Doris Paterson 1924 to 2014

Doris Paterson

There will be a Celebration of Doris's life at her last art show on June 28th at 1pm at the Mission Art Gallery/Rock Family Gallery at 33529 1st Ave., Mission.

Please note that in lieu of flowers the family wishes for donations to the Christine Morrison Hospice (c/o Mission Hospice Society unit E, 7311 James St., Mis...sion, BC, V2V 3V5 be made in Mum's memory.

Friends who wish to leave addition messages or recollections of Doris' life can contribute comments to her obituary found at:

http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n=Doris-Paterson&lc=3641&pid=171324682&mid=6007386

Thank you for your condolences & kind friendship to our Mum.

Doris was a great spirit and will live on through all of us and definitely her artwork and writing.

Mom's wishes

My Mom requested I inform everyone that she has weaken. Last night was difficult and Mom required medication to settle. Her two daughters, Barb and Bren stayed with her today.  Cammy, Cara and I are currently at her side giving comfort and reassurance.
Thank you everyone for being supportive and giving my Mom hope.
She does not have the strength to continue the blog and wishes you all the best.

Destiny Island

Karen came up with the name for my island and I think it fits the idea well Destiny Island. She came to pay for the books and pick them up. I tried to tell her I don't want the money but she got me when she said "It's not for you but it's the first installment for the fund-raising for your mosaic on the steps. Imagine of her coming up with that idea!!

Rhett came loaded with flowers and his little boy - he's going to try to beat the big guy in Federal Politics. He has young ideas and actually carries them out. It would be wonderful if he had enough to help him do it.
The flowers are a brave statement and beautiful.
Last night Barbara F. came with update news. I haven't had the T.V. on or the radio or DVD. My blog is my technology only. So I need to know of any drastic change.
I have to lay down awhile, I've been sitting up too long....
I can resume. I had terrific knife-like pain in my stomach. I know it's the Imodium because I've taken it before.

Brenda came to give me a concoction made of a bracelet with clips on either side to hold my bed-jacket from slipping off my shoulders. It's a great invention and pretty too.
She gave me a wash while I was in bed and brought three types of spray scents to help mask my toilet out-put.
She is to take Rex to Vancouver to see the doctor. I wonder how these young people can drive hither and yon without fretting about it.
A new lady has moved in opposite me and seems very ill.
Tomorrow I must attempt to put my teeth in so I don't shock Barbara. Looking forward to them coming. signed Doris on Destiny Island.

My island

Karen's coming with a name for my island -good.
I thought of the book and movie "South Pacific" and the fellows wanted to cross to the island "Bali Hi" and thought that was a good name but then got thinking they always took off in boats at night to go there and what if Bali Hi means Prostitutes so I backed off. She came to collect the ten books but left a note saying I was busy.

Very eventful day as Brenda came to meet with Social worker and it's all legal and it is written and agreed that no one will change my wishes when I die.

Malonie came with her stories and kept us entertained.
I started to have diahorrea  and it was constant till I was worn out. My Mary nurse tracked down the doctor for Imodium and finally they expressed some from Abbotsford !!!!! (It makes sense if you know the whole story). It cleared up.

Barbara(eldest daughter) phoned to say they will come on Saturday evening from Manitoba.  We've marked it on the calendar and I'm so glad I am still available.

Nancy from art center came and I am caught up with some of the good things happening to make her job easier and some money to get things done.
I never told that dear little Shirley D. came again with her sense of calm.

Barbara F. appeared and is leading a gay life - no-no not that kind! so was glad to know all is well.
Joy came with an old-fashioned dough-nut to dunk in hot tea and contrary to my belief it actually worked and gave me a change from cream soup and milk pudding. She came to collect one of my books for her student who asked for an autographed copy.
I don't eat as much as I did now.

My grand-daughter's husband has been diagnosed with cancer at 36 years old - I'm sad for the family.

Brenda cut up the books Bonnie gave me so I don't have to lift heavy books and wasn't it wonderful she brought me some biographies? What a wonder these women are! Love them
signed  happy tonight -Doris

Starting early.

Early this morning I noticed a paper butterfly on my neighbour (across the hall) doorway and I guessed right - her time had come. The family was around for her so that's good.
They told me she wouldn't press her red button. They put it right in her hand but she "didn't want to bother people" - sound familiar?
Staff asked if I wanted the door closed because funeral home was coming and I said yes please.

Who breezes in but Malonie. She was a member of "Fine Arts Five"- a group I got together so we could have shows for our paintings. We rented the old Leisure centre hall, renting lighting, boards for hanging work and invited 2 other artists, had a speaker to open and everything to make a New York type show. 700 people turned up for the occasion.
Of course, as usual the rent and insurance for the hall was upped more than we could afford for the following year - sometimes it seems Mission doesn't like success and priced us out of business,
Then one member was sick, one died and one moved so it folded.

We had so much to get caught up with. She said as she was leaving, "I'm so glad to see when you come close to dying you are still all of the same person you were! It's comforting to know that."

Staff want to shower me so I agreed to go through it today and decide whether it takes too much of my energy or not. They will come when I finish my tea.
Brenda came with photos of family so it looks like home.
I wish I had a perfect soft pillow.
Wendy's newsletter is so cute yet informative for Auxilliary.

I've reached the limit - hello new subscribers!   signed  at last they will have Doris in the shower
1 for them and none for me!!! Doris

Archives

Val Billingsberger came - she's the big cheese in the Mission Archives.
Didn't even know we had an Archives? Well it's because of Val that we've got a climate controlled housing for Mission's history which is no small accomplishment. (If I've got that wrong you can correct me and I will make it right.)
Val is also responsible to honour three or four women a year in what is known as Pathfinders and no other town in Canada can boast of that. When asked why she doesn't honour the men she says "They are looked after very well."
She brought some lovely pale blue and white flowers.

One reason she came is that I don't know what or how many of my things she's interested in housing in the Archives and was thrilled to hear her say "I'm going to find out how we can get your blog copied and kept for your history."

Joy is here with me tapping on her lap-top while I'm blogging. Modern-day visiting but comforting for me.

Brenda and Rex came last night and brought little dog "Muffin" she's called that because when she was picked up she was curled in a brown circle, looking like a muffin. She looked at me as if she cared about my situation.

Paul, you'll have to find a name for my bed which I call an island - please.
Staff are anxious for me to have legal "representation as to my wishes for death.
I've told my children and staff my wishes.
They say there may be trouble at the end (as if there isn't enough trouble day by day!) A social worker will come Thursday and maybe Brenda can come 10 -11 am ?

Apparently there's a Hospice office across the road who has grief counselling etc. and Natalie came today. Nobody I know is aware of an extra building for a Hospice  office and there are various comic
 ideas of what is where and what it does.
Wendy - cheery Wendy came to make us laugh and a friend from the arts centre came saying she was not aware that I was ill - which is sad.

Pat phoned and sounded as if he's starting to get going on moving out to Van.Island. He's repairing one crack in the house as another crack appears in another wall because of Winnipeg's gummy-swampy soil.
Brenda's coming - Dario is calling Joy for the car so I'll close
signed busy Doris

Up and at them

Yes - this is a better time of day to type.
I've just been washed in every cranny and pants changed even though they didn't need changing and tch! tch when I didn't want a shower but a bed bath.
I was in a sound sleep when it was decided to clean me up so I wasn't a submissive lady!!

I'll have to invent another sort of prayer like the Hail Mary to stop me from being unappreciative and nasty.
It's the independence thing again. All this given me but I bristle when I can't decide for myself.

Yesterday was so wonderful with Mady arriving with a reproduction of "The Summer Solstice" painting, framing it and putting it up in the room so I don't have to try to explain "what I do."
She also brought a photograph at the business and professional group's dinner. Now I can tell this staff - "This is me with teeth!" 

Thank you so much for coming Jan-Ruth-Val and Kathy. Flowers from the garden are enjoyed by their smell by all.

Dario and Joy came. Joy fixed all the flowers with watering etc. and brought Greek yogurt.
Another replacement doctor came so I was able to ask about being off insulin and he said that was fine so it settled me down.
Dario can't help getting more beautiful coral and fish for his aquarium and shows me the exquisite world he has created by adding photographs to record them. Little Cara chose one which was pink and orange so he named it Cara.
M. the bed tray works well to hold the note book and it has a lip around so any spills won't go on the floor.
Ted came to say goodbye for now .He brought me the ten Willy books and a volunteer brought them one at a time to sign for Karen.

They give me the prettiest nighties here - Today I'm in pink with an English style pattern on the material.
I'm asked "Where is your cream?" or "Where did you put your hair brush?" But being on my island I don't know where anything is that is not in sight. I still don't know what to call the island.

Barbara M. came for a great visit and we talked about the show in June and she reminded me that it's not long now because IT IS TO BE HUNG ON THE 21st June. We don't talk about that because there are too many dates to put on the invitations - the first day of hanging - the official opening day and the day it's taken down. The important day is 28th. and is the opening when all can gather to celebrate as a family does.
The good-looking replacement doctor caught Barbara's eye and she has plans to come often on the chance he'll be around! We laughed a lot about it.
signed Doris be good.

Correction

I see I've repeated the same writing I had hand written - so sorry - I'm too tired to make anew and made that mistake.
Just so much today but wonderful! Doris

"How are you?

I'm finding that it's me who has to console others, rather than the other way around when they come to see me.
"How are you?" they say.
What can I reply?
"I'm dying"?
"I'm getting weaker."
Do I say "Don't worry, I'm not sad"?

How can I be sad?
I've lived for ninety years and it's been an interesting procedure.
First I acted on stage - I came to Canada, this great and wonderful country. I had ten children then the privilege to paint. I discovered writing and the making of books. I found Willy and shared his wit with the world. At this moment all my children are alive and I'm proud of them. 
I have friends who can break your heart with their caring and devotion.
I've seen the beauty of this planet in different countries.

Having known myself and told other women, we can come to that insurmountable desolation and although we find it impossible to believe, we CAN and WILL rise up - blossom in a way which stuns us and surpass all expectations to accomplish undreamed of events!

Hospice assures me I will die without pain and every day here is full of loving care - so I'm not sad
I am grateful Doris.

Will type more tomorrow - dear son Ted just left.
Kathy - My flower is to be the Daffodil. The Herald of Spring - thank you.

For Laura

Laura - Laura - Your's is such a sorry time about your father.
You have faced so many times of grief.
All I can say is he would be glad he didn't "hang on" in pain. Who wants that.
I know you have a strong-man's strength in your faith and it will carry you through.
Your involvement with others and your young family will fill your days and carry you on to make more crazy videos and show the old folk how to forget their worries.

I'm confined to the bed now but am comfortable.

Know that my spirit is with you. love Doris

Replying to "How are you?"

I'm finding it is me who has to console others rather than the other way around when they come to see me.
They say - "How are you?"
What can I say - "I'm dying'?
"I'm getting weaker."
So I say - "Don't worry. I'm not sad."
How can I be sad?
I've lived ninety years and its been an interesting procedure.
First acting on the stage. Coming to this great country Canada. Having ten children.
Having the privilege of painting, then discovering writing and the making of books.
Finding Willy and sharing his wit with the world.
Seeing my children grow into powerful people who want to make the world a better place - whether it likes that or not!
Having friends who can break your heart with their caring and devotion.

Having seen so much of the beauty of this planet in different countries.

Having known myself and told other women, we can come to that insurmountable desolation and although we find it impossible to believe, we CAN and WILL rise up - blossom in a way which stuns us and surpass all expectations to accomplish undreamed of events!

Hospice assures me I will die without pain and every day here is full of loving care, so I'm not sad I am Grateful.

Joy came with her boys Cody and Chris. Cody persuaded me to go out to the balcony in a wheelchair which has lovely flowers and knew how to care for this little old lady.
Joan B. came and did a wonderful thing, phoning my brother John in Australia for me and he was on the speaker phone to tell me all his news. He will get a computer and lessons so he can be in touch with me. Hooray!
Steve  came with a Florist shop full of flowers and told about his new job.

My son Ted blew in from Winnipeg last night and is staying with Brenda.
Brenda,Jason (grandson) and Ted came and listened to the Australia phone call too. Big day for Jason because he got his driver's license.

I am as of now, off of insulin. Any poke of needle brings a flow of blood. The doctor was right.
I'm pushing the red button regularly and sticking to the commode. I've been given another day......
Signed grateful Doris.

News flash

Discovery. Nurse gave me a shampoo in bed. It's a rinse free shampoo and conditioner in a cap. Out  by Comfort Personal Cleansing. Made by Sage Products. Latex free. Not available in drug stores but can be had in medical supply stores or call toll free 1-800-323-2220.
Shop Sage Products .com
Tear open package, microwave warm entire package, no longer than 30 seconds. Place cap on head, gently massage cap to saturate hair, 1 to 2 minutes. Remove cap, towel dry. Look good.

trying to learn the language of the kitchen staff. Wrote a note to say please don't give me milk (I hate waste ) next meal no milk and no gravy. So hard to swallow pureed peas.

Karen came. She is the lady I saw when Willy came to the hospital 3 1/2 years ago. When I had gone through so much confusion with assessing Willy, it was similar when I opened the door of her office to when I came to hospice. She understood was clear, and helped me go the next step for Willy's accommodation.   She liked the "The Artist and Bicycle Man" and asked for more books.
My dear friend  Mary breezed through the door dressed in red and white stripes with flamboyant scarf and jeweled hands. She told me that every year after I die the girls will celebrate my birthday on that day. She always thinks of original ways to show she cares.
Margret B came. Looking like spring and had a celebration of her school's 100th birthday. they told her she looked good for her age.
Mark has been running around doing lots of things. Even showing me how to work the hospice phone.
I talked to Pat, Pearce, Paul and Ted but he doesn't know who it was because pressing the buttons. I got the cook at the best western who suggested tonight's specials
Sorry to say even going on the commode is hard for me but I am getting used to pressing the red button.
Signed Red Button Doris

happenings

So much to talk about today, I know I won't get it all in. 

I can't look at those awkward gloucometers the nurses have to use. The nurse here says she doesn't mind them but compared to mine, these things are over heavy and hard to 'punch' in the code etc. Every nurse downstairs dreaded using the thing. One didn't have the strength to do it, meanwhile the time ran out and they had to get more strips and my meals waited for the result before I could eat and then they were cold.
I was told these are entirely new this year and they had to take a course on how to use them. It is high tech and first they code the strips with the machine because results go directly to the lab to enable research to find out how diabetics are doing.
I don't care what they say and as I said, "If they know how to go to the moon they can invent something less clumsy.

Barbara phoned to say the ninety-three year old lady who was meeting on the phone with the three top specialists in my disease asked many questions about it.
Their answer was to the point. "There's nothing to be done. When the platelets have not survived you go to Hospice. Period."
It was good to talk to Barbara anyway and she's coming 12th June.

Dr. Quon came to talk to me and I liked her attitude.
"You have only so much energy in your body. It's up to you how you expend it. This morning you walked to the bathroom and it took ten minutes of hard breathing to calm down.
You are using energy when we are here to help you NOT to do that. When you need to go to the bathroom, ring the famous red button and we will put you on the commode.
You must forget your independent ways and learn to relie on us.
It's up to you."
So I said "Yes Ma am! and I will try to learn." and I will do it to extend my days as much as I can.
I'm to forget having sugar tests and cut my insulin in half to 13 units.

Last night dear Shirley Dawson came with lovely flowers and is upset she can't get my Blog. Can someone help Bob or Shirley please because Shirley's life work is keeping everyone in touch with their friends and family and she's missing out.

Mark came for the purpose of making sure everything is tickety-boo and I'm being cared for properly which he could see it is so.
Joy came unexpected and listened to the doctor and the hope I can live a bit longer than we initially thought.

Marianne brought me a Rose Quartz in the shape of a heart - I'll hold its energy to my chest.

Faithful Barbara F. came with news of goings-on in town.

And now my energy is flagging - must say goodnight and so much love over the air-waves.
signed hoping for more days than previous - Doris.

hospice

Well here I am - Dr.Patel speeded up the process after looking at my record and called Paul the liaison man for hospice who trundled down in his efficient, cheerful way flapping forms around and saying there's one bed available and he'd get things going right away.
Joy came and packed everything - it looked as if I had collected more stuff here than at my apartment.
Staff appeared with wheelchair and other staff and Joy took up the rear with my packed walker and looking like a camel procession in the dessert, we upped on the elevator to hospice.

Of course everything is lovely. Joy even brought the flowers and put them in my room (#310) with no criticism from anyone, It is spacious and has a chesterfield  as well as a bed, a fridge, T.V., cupboards, people-pleasing phone with on and off instead of a red button that means "start".
stereo, clock and reading lamps.
I was put in bed and with my pillow and blankie - felt comfortable to the extreme. As I said it was a first class Purgatory.

Michelle is on staff and begged me to remember her with women dancing and I couldn't until I found out it was at our Summer Solstice at Connie's place - so we had a lot to talk about,.
 Wendy cancelled T.V. and told me such meaningful words

Joy e-mailed some of the family that my situation had changed as I dictated the words. She had to go and Brenda came.

Brenda filled out the required forms here asking such things as "Tell us your life" - are they kidding??? and set out to do the many chores which are cropping up in regard to me being here.

Mady before I forget because I can't always find my e-mail position - Knowledge network had a video on Lilian Broca ( I think). She is an artist who works in Mosaic.
I met her and saw her solo show in Richmond years ago. She portrayed Goddesses. She has discovered a better way of working with mosaic which is more brilliant than she used before.
It's beautiful work although the theme is like old-time ancient work.

Barbara came to see my new "digs".
Heleen came with such good news on Jos. Hooray!

Dinner is served hot - had a hot soup and lady said why not have more. I told her I might not eat the rest of my supper which she poo-pooed and scooped me another bowl-full - delicious.

I have just heard that Mark is coming.

Having received so much love today I'm sending it back to all who care - thank you.
signed Whomped Doris

at last

Tues,. May 27th
My dr just came
This am more pressure as  to what was I going to do & where am I going. Seeing as how they can't keep me here, because I can go to the bathroom & wash myself & I'm surrounded by books, cell phone & a computer- so obviously to them I'm not hospital material!!!
They don't realize I takes an effort for me to do all these things & when I get back to bed I huff & puff for a while before I have enough energy to pull up the covers.
Last night they gave me another bag of platelets by intravenous.
Barbara was with me to witness my helpless shaking from head to foot for 45 minutes.
I thought it would be only a case of a chill but when it continued so long we called the nurse, pressing the red button which the staff had gaily pointed out "anything you want just press the red button & I'll be right there." Which is certainly not carried though.
Twenty minutes later the nurse comes &"There was a change of shift" she said.
And hank goodness Barbara was able to confirm the length of time I had endured the shaking.
Was it a reaction to the platelets?
Was it a chill?
Ah! I remembered I didn't eat my dinner & it must have sent my blood sugar crashing. B, found me some fruit juice & soon I was OK, B, covered me with blankets & left.
The platelets had finished long ago but the tubes eventually ere taken out.

I plunged into a sleep which was so deep it was a void.
Waking up with a start at 10pm I FELT I WAS A LOBSTER IN BOILING WATER. I TORE OFF MY SWEATER & all the covers in an attempt to cool down but for a half hour I remained in lobster condition.
Finally exhausted I slept.

At 9am Karen, the home accommodation lady came, telling me she will send home care to the apartment.

I enlightened her to my situation. It is not a solution for me.
She promises to find out more about hospice.

Ted sends email, saying he's arrived in Vancouver but bent down to pick up a pen & put his back out. He'll come here on Friday.

Dr  B comes "I can't understand how everything is going down so quickly, You only had the platelets last night but already I have to order more for today. Your cells are also going down from what they were."
"Wait" I say. That will change everything we initially planned to do. I want to go upstairs & stop platelets."
He is kind, all reactions show on his face. "Are you sure? What about making the date of your art show?"
"It's telling me to be realistic. We can't continue a losing battle," I say
He respected my wish. "I'll talk to staff", he said. "Paul will come to see you. '

Typed by Brenda

note

Have had trouble with note-book -lots of visitors (good) and platelets again so sorry but will fix tomorrow. signed shakey Doris.

Help

Death

Well, things have changed and lots of talk about dying.
Apparently, I'm told the situation for me is a luxury the health system can't afford.
I was told that I'm supposed to die and I'm just delaying the fact and I'm in a room that is desperately needed by four people in the E.R. and here I lay with even an empty bed next to me which is unused.
What am I going to do about it?

Ironic really when there's about twenty Dementia people who are in no-man's/woman's land and they're staying in beds on this ward !!!!

But I understand. This morning I had a blood test which will tell us what is going on with me.

hello again

Hi! seems to be I can type but uncomfortable because I'm standing and notepad is in emergency basket on the wall.
Just finished urgent discussion on the Spirit with fill-in doctor. He also said emergency room has urgent need for beds and I could go to nursing home in Langley or Abbots, and get transfused in clinic twice a week............
My blasts (which I didn't know I had are at 8
when they reach 40 they will not give me medicine or treatment.
Had bad pain in left side last night.2 Tynenols fixed it.
This is hard to do and notepad slipping -must go and love signed slipping Doris.

Walking the hospital halls

I go for a walk with the rehab lady every day and it has proven to be kind of interesting as I visit two ladies I know and they are happy to have a diversion.
I have to pass a wider area in the corridor where they accumulate the mostly dementia people but it's discouraging to witness such tradgedy. But I guess it's a change for them to see different people.

I've finished Peter Ustinov's autobiography. What a tour-de-force! There's so much to think about with his stories in cutting humour both in his childhood and his marriages.
What is marriage anyway? I mean for a woman? Are we working towards having women being their own entities? Well that might mean having only one child or none.
Fathers and sons have such a hard time getting sorted out. Ah well- I'll leave that for a while and pick it up later.

Staff has just moved my flowers closer to the door. Should look up on Wickepedia about flowers in hospital giving out carbon monoxide,
Marianne came with some lovely ones and just huffed when I told her she has to put them outside and promptly put them on the window sill !!

My platelets came at midnight and finished about 2 a.m. intravenously. I must say I feel quite good now.
Brenda came with all manner of things I had on a list. I keep remembering things like my bottom teeth and special cream for my legs and arms which resemble Rhinocerous hide.
She loaned me a small book about a snail and I am learning quite a bit from it.
Amazing how much there's left to learn about life.

Staff person said "Your children are lucky they have a mother who does a blog"!
Dear ones - I'll say goodnight.
signed Platelet full- Doris

I'm waiting for more Platelets to be delivered tonight.
Mine are all used up.
If the Lab comes, I'll have to close.
I tried to see if you got home all right Mark but can't work the cell phone. Every time I press a button I get someone from outer space !!
Margaret and May came and Dario and Joy brought the keys for the apartment because one or the other forgot them somewhere else.
Barbara F came looking as if she had no problems in the world even though she runs around doing good for all and sundry!
Brenda has been great attacking the first chore of the apartment, cleaning out the fridge and freezer and bringing me more necessities.
Shirley, thank you for your lovely flowers. The nurse snatched them up because they might give me infection !!! However, she kindly put them on a cabinet in the corridor so I can see them from the bed.
I've got a T.V. now even though I said I could do without it but if money goes to Auxiliary - then that's good. Maybe I'll get to enjoy it
Joy brought things from a British shop in Maple Ridge - Tea which has the war-time saying "Keep Calm and carry on!" Stiff upper lip and so on.
I'll be laying down now waiting for the lab work so take care all you dear ones
signed Platelet less Doris

another day

I'm scared that the note-book will shut down anytime but will go ahead as planned.
Have just been tested for blood sugar and it was 3.8 which is danger level and had to quickly get some juice into me because the nurse took long to get head-nurse permission to give me glucose. Am good now although they left my supper tray at the desk and a young man happened to find and bring it here. Said the kitchen staff didn't want to walk all the way down the corridor. That wasn't true but it is funny it's always me they have trouble getting to.

What a wonderful day for visitors. Thank you for coming. Looking at your faces from the bed, you all look so glowing and lovely - like new actors coming on stage in a play, so healthy and full of life.
Laura, your smile is always there for us and so kind to take the time to come.
Barbara M. tells me she's fixed my head - meaning that she has adjusted a scratch on the clay bust she's made of me!
Joy went back to the apartment and brought my address book and some of my books I wrote so I can give them away to some of the staff. She usually brings a banana which is so handy in between meals.
Mark left for home after getting me a bed tray to handle the notebook, He did so much.
Kim came and gave me a feeling of steadiness.
Pat and Pauline came back from Seattle and enjoyed Pikes market and the dinner in the revolving restaurant on top of the needle and Pauline had her name printed in characters such as butterflies and flowers - each symbol meaning the letters in her name. A lovely souvenier.

I was showered by an expert showerer. Even washed my hair and it felt good.
When I got up this morning, I with feeling as if I would faint. It wasn't nice.

Doctor Bhatt came and confirmed all my wishes were the same as those of Dr.Kim (The internist) and altered the note that said I did not want to have transfusions. Don't know how that got on the records. They will take blood test twice a week and give transfusions as necessary.

My daughter came and is my power of attorney so she will be busy with bank etc. But gradually we will get the necessary items in order. She is good at organising.

Went for escorted walk down the hall so called in to see Marcel's wife Margaret-Mary. They lived down the hall from me.

signed looked after Doris

Getting somewhere

I've just been offered two alternatives to my situation.
My platelets have gone from 57 to 21.
#1. I can stay in Hospital and receive the medical care and Transfusions to keep my platelets going.

#2. I can refuse further transfusions and go to Hospice when my turn comes up on their list and die in comfort and pain controlled. Hospice does not cater to blood medications.

Looks like I will chose #1.

I was so weak today when two people came to walk me down the corridor I cried. ( I thought they were from Jehovah Witness !)But now it's abated and the last doctor (internist) said he'd give me pills for the chronic bone pain in my side.

Dear Lorna - Many thanks for loaning Mark to me in this critical time of my situation. He has been so helpful.

I will fill you in with what I,ve been told about Hospice in another episode because I'm tired.
Love to my dear ones who follow this blog    signed Deciding Doris

noise

Don't people know if they have a too large voice?
Don't nurses and care aids know that their shoes clackety-clack with echos when they walk down a hospital corridor ?
I am in hospital now and the combination of these clackety-clack, loud conversations, carts squealing and complaining bells ringing in different keys and loud talking combines to send up stress levels of patients
Why can't we have peace and shoes to fit.
It's like being in a restaurant and almost before one has finished eating utensils and soiled plates are not only taken away but are thrown into a receiving tray with a clang and a bang enough to frighten anyone !
Can nurses stand the noiseyness after years of envading their ears ?
Is anyone doing anything about it ?
Everywhere one goes there is NOISE. Cars and trucks on the road. Horns being blown. Brakes squealing, airplanes above, leaf blowers, lawnmowers, dogs barking and you can add your sounds to it all.

Have just finished reading Queen Mary's story. when she thought she was pregnant, an official asked her "How goeth my daughters belly forward?" .
Today was an improvement. Joy brought mashed strawberries. Mark found cookies that steep in tea that will go down my throat.
Joyce came to visit and I felt a bit better.
Signed
better Doris

Connecting

I thought it made quite a picture to see 4 p's in the room with white masks on their faces. The 4 powerful p's are, Pat, Pauline, Paul and Mark P. It's wonderful that they came to see me before I get worse. I have a new notebook so I can stay in touch with my friends by blogging. It has become important to me.
Having a bit of trouble with food trays. They forgot breakfast and produced hearty chunks of roast beef for dinner when my mouth is too sore to have anything other than pureed but that is going to be looked after. Bothered with diarrhea which is trying.
My fairy godmother came. May came. Mady and Remco came. Margret Mary is in hospital here and Marcel brought her in to see me.
I have a little radio which has headphones that are soft and it suits me very well.
Patrick showed a video from 1940 and onwards of family occasions which they made jolly laughter especially when I smoked a cigarette. We saw Scott play the sousaphone in a cadet band. The best was when Mom amused us kids with her famous puppet show
No more news on blood tests, platelets because it's a long weekend.
Pat and Pauline went to see hospice and were very impressed.
Closing with all my memories
Signed
Doris  

hello

hello-no capitals because mark has brought me a notebook to the hospital.
i'm not too good but still in service.
good doctors and good nurses. pat and Pauline here to visit
I have a fairy godmother who had hidden her wings.
enough for now - will come back tomorrow  signed grateful doris

Dr.Noble

My two daughters drove me to new Westminster to see Dr.Noble.
We were told to take picnic lunch because wait time in his waiting room is extensive. Well, they were right there because we were there two hours.
He's very good to do business with - straight forward and to the point. And the point was that I have a few weeks to three months to live.
"Stay as long as you can in assisted living but if you get a fever or feel you just can't manage - go to hospital" he said, 'AND DON'T GO NEAR ANYONE WHO HAS HAD INFECTIONS" as I sat shaking and shivering because of the cold temperature in the hospital at a low measurement because of germs.
I have to take out my dentures because they were altered by the denturist and now irritate my gums. (I now look exactly like all other ninety year olds.) If I sound strange on the phone that's one reason why.
It's not possible to eat anything with nuts or is not semi-pureed - darn it.
I also have irritation around my vagina (I know you would want to hear about that!)  Depends makes it worse.
In other words I'll need antibiotics.
Brenda's coming in a minute to take me hopefully for a transfusion.
I was dreadfully weak yesterday and thought I wouldn't make it to home but here I am with another day.
signed weak but still here Doris

Mary

I have a Care-aid assigned to me - her name is Mary and she's the type I like - caring but efficient - seeing what can be done and doing it. She apparently knocked on my door this a.m. but I didn't answer so I said just check on me at 9 a.m. not before and I'll make my own breakfast for now.


I told her I was concerned about booking a spot for my toe-nails to be cut - so she cancelled that and I had already read Library books that other people might want to read, so she returned them downstairs. You've no idea the relief it brings to have these small things looked after.


A friend phoned and we had a long talk. She is ninety-six and has trouble as well. She would just as soon slip away, she doesn't know why she's lived so long. But I tell her she's here because she can make intelligent conversation with anyone and we sure have a need for that.


I cannot figure out how I'm sleeping so much. I read one chapter of new book and Whomp! I'm asleep. I figure I'll water the plants, fill the watering can, sit down and Whomp! I'm asleep again.


It was glorious outside so I sat on half of the lounge chair (trouble with the other half) and let the sun warm me right through. The birds were singing and the green leaves of the trees are the young colour of spring.


Tomorrow might tell me something and maybe not, will have to wait and see as it is what we do with so many things in life.
signed looked after Doris

Correction

Correction.
There was a comment on my blog which needs correction.
I am NOT in New Westminster's hospital. I only VISIT tomorrow a specialist who has an office in that hospital.

Update

I drove to the doctor's because Brenda is not well enough to do anything.  I was supposed to get a taxi.
I signed forms which the doc. will fax to the hospital. The forms authorize the hospital to give me transfusions when necessary. I wish I could remember how many pints of blood Willy gave to the organization. It was enough to call him a hero - that I know.


The doc. wanted to explain about the Leukemia but it boils down to I've got the fast acting one. I shouldn't be driving so that's a decision I've made - I'll give up my car - not my driver's license though because Willy could not produce his for identification and we had a devil of a job getting him acknowledged that he existed !!!


Chartwell has a nurse in a small office here. No one knew what she did but she came to visit me today to explain that she does overall organizing care-aids connected to Chartwell and will see that I get into the Fraser Health system and talk about future accommodation in Pallative or Long term care facility. Instead of the kitchen staff delivering meals, it will be her care-aids and anything I want them to do I am to let her know so she can see that I'm looked after. GOOD!
I told her of my problem (I always start telling my stories when they ask about my life and we forget they are there to do something for me but they ask more questions and like today - she was here for three hours!)


Brenda said for me to eat what I liked and not worry too much about sugar count because I've been getting low blood sugar and it's better to be high than low (you lose brain cells). We had a good Lasagna tonight.


Laura phoned from Rainy River.


Am finishing reading the life of prince Phillip and learned that he has worked hard at doing the meet and greet things. He's interested in good design so is asked to design award tokens for organizations. When asked to design something for the Greyhound club he suggested a silver Lamp-post!
But he encourages good design in everything as well as the Tiddlywink association's award.


He sure received a lot of criticism and was accused of "Horning in on the Royals".


I'm making a list of what to be doing for cleaning up the non-essentials here but instead just read my book.
signed just mozing along - Doris

Mother's day

Brenda phoned and won't be able to make it for dinner because of an infection in her mouth. I asked Barbara to come in her stead and then thought May would like to sit with us. Can't think of any other friends who are not visiting or are not the recipient of Mother's day celebrations. We slide along our paths whether there are humps or not.


I always dread Mother's day but feel better when I can wish my own daughters all the best.
I liked What's his name (can't remember but he wrote sunshine sketches of a little town) ah! it was Stephen Leacock who wrote about a picnic out on Mother's day. The Mother was asked to make all her special recipes so was cooking all morning. Extra relatives turned up and they only had so much transportation so it landed up there was no room for her so she stayed home. The party had a good time, arrived home exhausted and Mother had to clean up all the dishes etc.!


Never mind, at least it may bring families together or maybe not.


Saw on television a black Sports hero who was being honoured but gave such a genuine appreciation for his single mother who made him toe the line and have discipline to train for his talent and education at a very young age even as she struggled to make ends meet. I say Bravo for women such as this.


Joy's here - signed Mother of ten - Doris

Another day

If I miss some days, don't worry - I don't always remember to write until it's late and I'm tired.


Flowers arrived from Laura, my English teacher in Ontario who has just won many awards and has done miracles with her students. The flowers are quite unusual - pale mauve roses and purple other flowers and the apartment is looking amazing with all the colours.
I have an extra space now because I've got off from Netflix ( I had all the equipment on a small table)which gave me so much trouble always asking for my password which got lost and I had to go through acrobats to get the thing going. So that's out of my life now.
My e-mail conked out (English terminology taken from the word 'conkers'  Horse chestnuts which kids string up and knock the other kid's conker until one or the other breaks and is the winner.)


Computer man came and fixed it all and put the payment on my Visa for Shaw so that's all neat and tidy.


Ted phoned to say he has to fix the Printer at Simon Fraser University so hopes to come out for a visit. He's an artist with printers - think I said that. A rare bird in today's world because he's worked with all kinds of printers since he was fourteen years old and knows everything about them.


I made out some cards for the girls and their husbands for tomorrow at dinner and had one for Dario because I missed his birthday and an Italian glass has flags and spaghetti in it. I had a card for Rex too because he's been a caring son-in-law.


Meal trays were delivered okay and I made inroads as to making things more simple here when I leave. I can take this lap-top with me and hope I can have wireless wherever I go.
I slept on and off and look forward to tomorrow.
signed loving the caring people who have e-mailed and phoned - Doris

A day of doing things

My daughter came in the morning, ready for anything and bringing from Dario lovely salmon with rhubarb sauce for my dinner.


Hallelujah ! We now have more channels by Shaw on television which helps my evening entertainment a lot. It takes so much time to get re-registered or set up a new account. I complain about the younger generation sometimes but they have EXTRAORDINARY patience waiting "on hold" and pressing this or that number. But that is what went on until she got everything in order whereas I would have given up.


We went to Prospera Credit union to get accounts cleared or fixed in other categories and Linda arrived to spend a lot of time and attention with us to explain about bank mysteries on the occasion of death. Once again I'm grateful to live in Mission where people like her exist and technology takes a back seat so there is a somewhat human face on money matters.


Then on to see the bank to find out if the freezing of accounts is unfrozen. Some of it is and so all looks encouraging now. We need patience with that as well.


The extensions in my waistbands are still not enough to ease the pain in the kidneys so we called in the dress shop and I got two dresses that flare out around the middle. As I will not be going to the dining room other than Mother's day, I can wear them in the apartment and feel free and easy. (They look kind of cute!!)


Had lovely flowers from Paul and Patrick and phone calls which are like precious gems to me.


Today I was supposed to read from my book to the residents but Laura took it on so they will not be disappointed. She wrote me such beautiful words on her card making me feel as if I have mattered.
signed She who mattered - Doris

More acceptance

This was the day we were supposed to go to the Credit union to work out several financial affairs. However, at 9:30 a.m. I had a phone call from my doctor. He had received the report of the blood test I had yesterday.
"I'm sorry to say the results were not good" he said, "as a matter of fact they are disastrous. From the time of your last test a few weeks ago, your red and white blood cells have gone down very quickly and your organs are in trouble. I have to tell you, you have Leukemia".
I waited for him to say what I was supposed to do while digesting the fact that I was in such poor shape.
"I'll get you to go to a specialist in new Westminster but after talking with him he is of the opinion there is nothing we can do. You are in a very serious condition. I'll see you Monday morning and we'll see about blood transfusions and every week you will have to be monitored."


Brenda, bless her, came over and tried to work out what the next step will be. She ordered my meals to be delivered by tray to my room. She tried to make out what I wanted as regards some help in the home, she tried to get the health people to come and a host of other things. But the main thing was it was consoling to have her here because underlying all our busyness, we were trying to accept that I am now facing the end of my life in the near future.
I cancelled the Credit Union meeting, the reading I was to do tomorrow, (Laura will read instead) and the Denturist appointment.
I phoned Barbara M. to say the show will still be put on by Mady.
I phoned Mady to say - all instructions are listed what to do for the show and she said "don't worry - it will be done."
I phoned Barbara - my second power of attorney and told her the news and so on till I had to rest.


I called Kim who is a friend but used to clean for me and the darling lady said she'd fit me in to come once a week or any time I needed her and to phone her any time and she will come. After the specialist meeting on Wednesday, I'll let her know.


And dear ones who read my blog, I don't know if I will blog every day from now on. I've got lots of ends to be seen to and so much thinking to do, Willy's business isn't finished yet.
I have enough finances to pay for help or for taxies. (have to think of giving up the car.)
So I'm lucky that way.
I'm not in pain, just devoid of energy. Thank you for following me and the show will go on with or without me. Please write it in your calendar June 28th from 1 - I'm grateful, so grateful for the life I have had, especially for my friends and family.
I am full of love - signed Doris

Life

Barbara M. is home from her trip to Europe. She makes these tours and visits abroad as if she's just going up the street to the Loonie store. She comes from Hungary but is familiar with Holland and Germany. She's the one who is sharing the show with me in June/July and showing her sculpture.


I kept my appointment with the family doctor and he couldn't believe the results that the specialist had. Reason being was that my cells etc. were doing fine until something happened the end of March to send them plummeting. He said I have to learn to monitor my health in a better way. I'm of the old school who didn't go to the doctor unless we were near death!
I went over to the Lab to have another test and we'll see how that goes but if not any better I should have a bone marrow test in Burnaby.


I'm weary of talking about sickness but acknowledge I must do more to help my condition like drinking more water and eating things I don't like but which are good for me.


My son phoned and offered to come again but I said "No thank you."


Booked dinner here for Mother's Day dinner for the girls and their husbands. Yes, it`s that day again where I try to hide my embarrassment at being celebrated as a mother!!


Tomorrow is booked for appointment with representative at the credit union with B and B (Brenda and Barbara) to make sure we`re doing all we can do to clear up Willy`s estate.


Those roses are so beautiful, How can a flower be so subtle yet blaze with spirit.
( my question mark won't work on computer)
signed can`t ask any more questions now - Doris

Government forms

Brenda came to take me to fill out the required Government forms after Willy's death.
We don't have an original will so they may not go through - however, we'll deal with it later.
The staff were very kind and each one prefaced the talk with "We are sorry about that." meaning the death.
We went for lunch at a Thai restaurant and had a yummy rice/ginger soup. It was in a mall which is like going to another country because the awnings and other writing is East Indian. There was a Vegetarian bakery which we found out all cakes and cookies were made without eggs!!!
The owner then gave us a lecture about how he shouldn't be baking things that have a lot of sugar and he was helping the country go to pot because he now knew how many people were eating too much sugar and he was just encouraging it all and what was he going to do if he didn't bake vegetarian goodies.....
I bought six carrot muffins and yes - they were swimming in sugar. So that was that.


We looked for a lounge chair for my balcony but they don't make the web style anymore and none of the others appeal to me.
signed - signing Doris


Everything in Sears was on for 25% off.


It was nice to spend the time with Brenda but I can feel my shopping days won't be as energetic as they were.

Ultrasound

After Marianne left last night I put more water in the vase where she had arranged such beautiful long stemmed, subtle white roses and posted up notes not to forget to fast. So easy to do when you're used to a regular routine on getting up in the morning. I am insulin dependent and a diabetic.
I woke up at 2 a.m. and took my blood sugar test - it was seven - so for the time being I was safe.
I woke up at three a.m. to pee.
I woke up at four a.m. took a reading again - it was five. Danger line for me. Can I last till nine-fifteen without eating something? No. I got up and had sips of mango juice hoping it was enough.
Spent the rest of the night fretting would it be enough.
Seven-thirty the alarm went and I took the test once again - it was six. Which meant maybe I'll be okay maybe I won't by 9:15 the appointment time.
Washed and dressed, packed some juice and chocolate with a book into a bag, collected my coat and purse with the requisition for ultrasound and drove to he hospital.
No available parking anywhere around but I remembered I had my card. 2 stalls right in front of the hospital door listed only for emergency. Well this is an emergency for me so I parked there and stuck up my card (first time).
Undressed and put on a gown. As it was for my stomach, thought leave my lower half bare - was told no - the top half of me bare, all of me naked so changed it around.
I had an ultrasound before but they had to stop because it was painful. This time every time she pushed at a certain spot, I jumped and cried out. She was annoyed and said "I can't do anything when you do that so stop it." At that point I was ready to leave the room. It was hurting so much I started to cry and she was angry. "Your doctor should have used another test if you are like this" she said.
What is it with doctors and staff like this? Do they think you are imagining your pain? I remember being examined for pregnancy. The doctor puts his fingers up your insides as far as he can while he's pushing down on your stomach with his other hand and saying, "Now relax, this won't hurt."
When she said she was done, I got up from the table and started to shake and cry. She walked with me to the dressing place and I did manage to dress but was shaken up for sure.
The waiting room was blocked with people waiting for lab tests and x-rays - it looked as if there had been a  terrorist attack or something.
I walked past the room and there was the gift store. The volunteer on duty pulled out a chair so I could sit down - thank you Sally - and I sure needed it and the small amount of coffee I pinched from a cart which was marked "Only for staff".
I ate the chocolate and talked till I regained my composure to drive home.
signed - And that was my last ultrasound. - Doris

accepting

It's three-thirty and I have some extra time to write the blog - so I will.


I have accepted I need to use a walker and today I also accepted the fact my tummy has ballooned, tagging along with what was my waist. I cannot possibly buy a larger size in pants because the rest of me is as skinny as a twig. Do you remember Twiggy - the thin, thin young model who set the scale for young girls in the whole world?
This afternoon I decided to tackle the question and insert an extra piece of material in the elastic waistband of some pants. I don't have a sewing machine but know how to do backstitch which imitates sewing machine stitching.
Luckily I have kept pieces which I cut off from the bottom of Petite sized pants, so that should help.


I will hereby inform you I have let out the darts from two pair of newly bought pants and inserted these pieces and after trying them on, MY KIDNEY AREA IS NO LONGER IN PAIN.
I hadn't realized that with my stomach getting larger, the waistband was exerting a strain as to affect my back area.
I don't expect this to solve everything but at least it eases the situation without going to the doctor's.


Marianne is coming for dinner here. We go back a long way - to the time Willy bought the house on Rose Avenue and Marianne and Bert lived opposite.
Marianne comes from Austria and among other things, ran a resort so she's "been around the block" for sure. She actually lived in Vienna in the same place as an opera Diva. Smack in the middle of all that history and culture.
She found out that I painted and asked to see my work. It was the time I was doing unconscious paintings and I had just been involved with Taste of the Arts where one artist featured was a Chinese lady from Vancouver who played the PiPa.
The painting I was working on at the time showed an image of a Chinese person but I didn't know how to finish it. After the Taste of the Arts evening I added suggestions of the PiPa and it worked. Marianne bought it and it was the beginning of her support for me and our friendship which has gone through hard times and joyful ones for twenty-four years.
signed - sewed up Doris

The Walkeries

Today was another "notch in my rifle".
That phrase was invented by someone who made notches in their rifles when they killed someone but it also applies to the way some days stand out above others to remember forever.
And today I had to use Willy's walker to walk to the dining room because I felt unable to make the trip and I joined the group I call the Walkeries.


It reminds me of the same phrase used by a boy-friend I had "let go" when I was twenty-one. I met him again at the same dance I went to with my new companion who later became my first husband.
"Is he another notch in your rifle?" he asked as he came close to us, the electricity prickling and zig-zagging between the three of us.
I couldn't say anything because it was a moment of choices which could change my life. I had loved him with his cleverness and knowledge of books and music and he was above any man I had met because of the way he could pass that knowledge onto me. And his dancing took me to a fantasy land.
I knew he would ask me to dance later and I knew I wouldn't be able to refuse and I'd be caught up again with his bitterness about the war and his life in it. He hurt others and even me with his sword-like words.


As soon as I could, I took Ted out to the gardens and we stayed a long while, holding each other and kissing each other and all the time I was thinking and longing for the man I really wanted to be with
How different life would have been if I had chosen otherwise. I wouldn't have become a Canadian and I wouldn't have had my children.


signed not sorry for the choice I made Doris

New shop in town

Well the big day has come and Mady opened her new Wool shop downtown Mission on Main.
What an asset to the sleepy street it had become.


Today the time came when I ran out of energy to make the whole walk back from lunch. I just couldn't go any further than half way and had to rest.
I'll take my cane tomorrow and if that doesn't work I'll have to resort to Willy's walker.
It's something we all want to avoid but if it has to be then it has to be.


When Brenda picked me up to go to dinner, she questioned what was the matter but I really don't know. I'll try to drink more water but had to agree that I should check in with my doctor and test that crazy potassium level - it's always too high for me whereas others have trouble with it being low.


I questioned the chef if they'd have something for Brenda because she doesn't even eat fish. He promised and delivered one of the best meals she had ever had. Pasta with roasted artichokes, asparagus, sun-dried tomatoes, pesto etc. Mine was excellent chicken too.
Dinner in the evening at Blackberry kitchen is the place to go if you want good dining in Mission.


Then onto the opening and the wools were settled into colour coordinated holders and all looked beautiful - sophisticated, clean and all any weaver or knitter could desire. Everyone enjoyed being there.


It's late but had to say how much I enjoyed the evening.
signed pleasured Doris

Continue from previous

next to the patio doors and close to the lamp which has the tiny chandelier hanging down. Anything I put in that place blooms well.


Most important, Nancy brought me lots of cards from my friends at the centre letting me know that they were sorry that Willy has died.
As I said, I love to get cards and it brings my friends close to me even though I've held back on socializing lately.


I took out my left hearing aid at lunchtime because it exaggerates the sound of the kitchen staff radio. It certainly doesn't play my kind of music and with the general talking, sounds chaotic. Naturally, the hearing aid fell out of my pocket and happily it was found all right.
With everything else going wrong, I must say that my hearing seems to have improved and I can hear well without the aids now.


It was super warm today - lovely!


Last night I didn't take the arthritis Tynenol to see if I can stop dreaming so vividly but it was even worse. I'm always in a strange motel and my sister Peggy is with me until she disappears and I don't know where I am. It's a long time before I find I'm still in my Carrington bedroom and Peggy died  
thirteen years ago so how come she's always coming back in my dreams?
I woke to find my legs burning with pain. Thinking how to describe it I remembered in Hong Kong we would get what they called "Prickly Heat" and there would be redness and it would feel like thousands of pins were pricking you.


signed Prickly Doris


I'm down on Carrington calendar to read from my books on the 9th and 23rd May.

Arts Council

Nancy, the executive director of the Art Centre, came to visit carrying a large lavender bush in a pot and the smell is beautiful. Can't put it on the balcony yet because the power washers haven't appeared yet.
She brought a small pot of roses which I'll keep

Spurt of energy

I was getting worried about completely losing my energy. The walk to the dining room looms ahead with me not being sure I can make the distance.
After I've had lunch I just want to sleep a while because I feel I've eaten a logger's meal when it was a small amount.
However, as my ultra sound was cancelled for today something clicked to give me a spurt of energy and I attacked the shredding (maybe too enthusiastically) and cleared out some binders hoping no one is going to come to demand something I was supposed to keep !!!
I'm tired of being the guardian of so much paperwork - holding it 'just in case'.


I got my 'sparc' card (disabled parking) just in time because see above. It will be of good use.


The windows are closed because the power washers have started. That's another thing which is good to have done. Last year I had left one ajar and you wouldn't believe the mess through the screen.


Brenda is going to come with me Friday night to dinner at the park and Mady's opening for her wool shop.


Next big thing which has to be done is to get invitations for the show addressed and ready, after that I can simmer down.
signed simmering Doris

Dentures

Today was a visit to the denturist who was kind but wordy. I prefer people to "Get on with it" but he said he wouldn't charge me for the consultation and his repeated attempts to clean my food clogged dentures which would really have cost $60.00.
I think it was because I told him we couldn't afford for me to keep going to the dentist and had all top teeth removed when I was forty or so. Also he was impressed by seeing on the filled-in form, I was going to be ninety shortly. Well that was the first session and the whole re-lining will cost $900.00.
By the way, he told said they have been told that Pleasantview is to be renovated for use for mental patients and that's a good thing - they will be happy there.


I was early and sat for a while with the windows down in the car because the sun was warm and it was a good place to just think about things. I can't believe how my thinking flits from one thing to the other when I want my brain to study a situation. Never mind - it felt good.


I got a reply letter to the one the funeral home had sent to notify Government people of Willy's demise. So caring - can you believe it? Saying they were sorry but not to worry about the payments for Health, they have adjusted it to just a single account and made the necessary arrangements. However at the moment I'm not sure what account they will deduct it from.
I have Willy's one dollar clock on my computer table and it ticks away nicely.


The power washers haven't come yet to do balconies and windows and we have to keep the windows closed so hope they hurry up as it's supposed to get hot.
signed laid back Doris

Lunching out

I haven't seen my friend for ages and she asked to take me out for lunch today.
She used to drive me to the good movies we have here in Mission run by a group of women who select titles which will get us "thinking".


We went to the restaurant in our superb Heritage Park. The soup was pureed vegetables which I loved.
We walked to where they have started to construct an Observatory which will inspire youngsters to become scientists I'm sure.
The tulips were out after cool weather and looked gorgeous.


We drove to our downtown and stopped in to the new "antique" place and talked to the Dickens character who runs it. We went into the rock shop which is stunning with wonderful rocks. I went to buy for Brenda a tiny desert stone which is cream coloured and has strings of white wound around it as if it was a woolen ball and the card said it would bring you peace. When I went to pay for it they told me to just put it in my pocket and good luck!


We called into Mady's new shop selling high quality wool and it looks great. Back-tracking we went into English Tarts and has tea and cake and our ad. for the show in June/July is in the magazine.


The sun was out and we got caught up with our lost lives of the past months and it was good.


When I arrived home the forms for the bank were there so I signed them with a witness and hopped in the car to expedite the return of them in the mail and hopefully this crazy "freezing" of accounts will be over and we can get affairs settled with Willy's accounts.


I promptly had a nap to recover from eating the cake and now it's time for bed.
signed getting it together - Doris

More on Sunday

I don't know why I was cut off from today's post but I was. However I returned home feeling that I was lucky to have family around and it was a nice day. signed lucky Doris

Nice times

Today Camellia - my grand-daughter was to visit but got held up.
had a catch-up phone call with Paul whose businesses are booming right now but he can't get young fellows who will work hard so he's doing it himself and it's too much.


Joy came to take me to their house in Maple ridge for dinner and I got to see Dario's latest acquisition - a salt water aquarium !!! Oh Boy! I think it's a seventy gallon tank but it's incredible (so is the upkeep.) I fell in love with the latest member in it - a little fish looking like a red dragon with yellow fins and other colours, he had his own character and seemed to talk to me.
What a learning process it is as well as absolutely beautiful. Dario always does things perfectly and the acquarium  is one of them. It has living coral which feeds the fish, crabs and snails in there. His downstairs bathroom is completely taken over with tubes, computer monitors and massive tubs of salted, heated water. It's really a fulltime job for a person to deal with.


Dinner was the finest - barbecue Slovakian chicken or tenderloin steak and Rossetti rice and salad.
Dessert was a special lemon dish which was exquisite. I don't usually eat much but I asked for more.

Cards

Twenty-five years ago I was in a card shop around Valentine's day and realized that day was over for me - no partner to send a valentine's day card to. Even though it's not anywhere near that day of love, I was looking for a birthday card for my friend and remembered I'm back to where I was then and Willy has gone.
These memories continually to pop up as I suppose they do to everyone else who had a partner who died. I so enjoyed being able to celebrate those days when Willy came along. I loved the cards he found for me at birthdays - always unusual - something no one else would ever have thought of buying but hitting the spot for me, summing up what I was about. He was clever.


I made an excursion to get supplies I needed and realized time had slipped by without me replenishing insulin, diabetic test strips and all that takes a woman to look half decent. I have lots of points at Shoppers so next time I'll get my luxury cream.


My other grand daughter phoned to say she has registered for her Practicum in Early childhood education and now her male friend is her boy-friend and he can drive her places. They are coming tomorrow morning which is nice - coincidence that two grand daughters are engaged at the same time!
In the afternoon Joy will come to get me from Maple Ridge to go to their place for dinner. Fun.


When I have company, time goes quickly so it helps.
signed - lucky to have grand-children Doris

Catch-up

Okay I missed writing yesterday but here is catch-up.


It was a meeting with the bank - not the investment people but we had to co-ordinate the two.
They told me "No - we don't close the joint account - we just freeze it."
Well to my mind - freezing is closing right? And that is what is was but they smiled condescendingly and said "No - no - we don't close it." But I can't take any money out of it so what is that but closing it !!
They also "froze" the joint account whereas from the time it was set up - they said nothing will happen with a joint account - it will carry on as usual on the death of your husband. What a bally-hoo that is. there were all kinds of other things but I won't go into it here - all I can say to everyone is be prepared for freezing even if it's not cold!!!


Thank you for your cards. I hope I don't live till the time when card sending is obsolete because they bring comfort. I keep them for a while, bring them out to read again and finding the choice people make in buying them to send, shows the person's character.


My grand-daughter from Vancouver has just become engaged to a nice young man and they came last evening to have dinner and stay overnight with Brenda and Rex. Brenda ordered Chinese food and we had a catch-up time with family too. Brenda came to get me and then take me home after dinner.
It was so nice to be included in the romantic time with young people and listen to them talk about the plans for the future in bright hopes.


Today I went to put the garbage out and stayed to walk in the sunshine around the building. If I don't get more active soon I'll drift into a blimp watching TV - well not so much TV but reading till my eyes get strained.
Just finished Sonja Tolstoy's biography. What an upheaval that was. Tolstoy founded the stupidest cult in the world! Said we shouldn't own material things yet lived in luxury. Said sex was criminal and we should live without it. Hello? What would happen to the world then silly man.
He sure must have had charisma because he got millions following his teaching.
She was a bit mad as well - staying with him in spite of his bad treatment of her.


signed I'd rather be sane than famous - Doris

Missing

Just to say I fell asleep on the chesterfield last night after a busy day so didn't get the blog done.
I'll catch up tonight and I'm sorry about that.
signed sleepy Doris

A woman's dilemma

Brenda took me to what I thought was a toe specialist who turned out to be a general surgeon.
My family doctor made the appointment months ago because my toe was still giving me trouble and he suggested "I'll just take the pliers and pull out the toe nail after anaesthetising it"
I told him "No - if anyone does it - it will have to be a specialist because I'm diabetic."
And here we are with a very nice lady surgeon but not a toe specialist.
It all worked out because I told her in the meantime the toe had improved and as I'm almost ninety and not in the best of shape, I thought I'd manage without surgery and she agreed.


We had lunch at the "Afterthoughts" tea room which was very good food and I ordered a Mocha coffee not knowing it would come already sweetened but I drank it regardless.


While there, we got into the subject of young women ( 18 years old or so)who have a lot of potential,  are top of their class and give up having a scholarship and career to be a stay-at-home mother.
It seems to me most of today's girls are deciding to choose the career and I wondered if that means families will consist of only one child in future or none and of course, the population of the white world will decrease more than it is now and when it spreads to China and India for example we will be like the talk of Aliens who come to abduct women here because they've been through the same thing and are not producing off-spring and their planet is finished. Whew!
Well I did my bit anyway!
Big day tomorrow at the bank etc.


Valerie Hundert got an award for working in the arts of Mission tonight but unfortunately, it was too much for me to go out again tonight so I wasn't there to cheer her on. She has been a wonderful worker for the culture here. Good for you Val!!
signed mother of ten - Doris

Feeling Fuzzy

I saw this lady reporter on T.V. reporting a football game.
As she was talking to the camera, a football smashed into the side of her head, knocking her hard and sending her a step back with hair flying from the shock.
Bravely, she came back to her original position as if nothing had happened and carried on her report as if she hadn't been knocked for a loop.
I got thinking she must have done that action as a professional, as sometimes athletes make a goal even though they have been basically knocked out. I admired her for doing it but worried that she must have spoken afterwards while feeling fuzzy but getting through the assignment regardless.
Well, I've decided it's exactly how I feel.  I hope it soon passes because one doesn't feel in control. I actually bought a cane to walk with because even walking is unsteady.
Maybe it's common to have this sort of thing after the death of a spouse. How would I know?


Went to the dentist to have my dentures re-lined or new dentures.
He said the jaw bones have shrunk and new dentures are not possible unless I have six screws put in to hold them in place.
So I will go to a Denturist on Tuesday to ask for re-lining and see how that goes.


It's strange not to have to go to Pleasantview any more. However, I found a double mat to fit a frame I had and am thinking of fitting a small work of mine in it. Will have time to do those sort of things now.
signed - fuzzy but working things out - Doris

What did I leave behind?

I pace the floor a bit because I have the feeling I've left something behind somewhere.
I thought I was more settled but guess I was too hasty to think that way.


Today was the first Bank day. Brenda and friend Barbara came with me and everything played out very well. Thursday we go again to tidy up loose ends and fill requirements from the Government.
If things continue to go well, I'll be able to give lessons on death procedures.
The horror stories of closing the spouses account right away do not apply to us apparently and we can take our time.


Think I said in previous Blog that we have always had Easter Monday Holiday but the bank was open and one Credit Union was closed. AAGH!!!!


People tell me they really liked the piece in the paper about Willy. It reached so many who had followed his life before. I love living in Mission!


signed Mission girl - Doris

Reaction

My son left for the ferries at five o'clock and I'm waiting to know if he got on one all right without much difficulty. I always thought Easter Monday was a bank holiday but I learn that it isn't and some people do not have the day off in which case there may be lots of folk going home today.


We did a lot of sorting out here and I can see a certain sense of order now. There's lots of forms and letters to write but they can take their time.
Tomorrow I'll learn at the meeting how the finances are sorted out and what's to be done with RRIF, automatic deposits and automatic deductions etc. and the income tax return to come.


I seem to need to sleep in the day-time now so will have to learn how to pace myself to allow a nap. And my blood sugar is different than BW (before Willy)when I test on the glucometer. I dream very real dreams when I do snooze but maybe it will ease up after time.


Thank you Nanette for your comments.


signed - adjusting Doris

Closet clearing

I'm glad there was a room at the Mission Best Western for Mark because there was no vacancy in Abbotsford this weekend.
When Mission built the motel it wasn't filled very often but now the city is busy and the race-way attracts a lot of visitors. When Willy and I walked along that sidewalk, it was just a bank with Delphiniums growing with their Monet colours of purple, nauve, pink and blue.  A little bit of nature before we came to the ABC restaurant. One would never believe the difference if they hadn't seen it with their own eyes.
Reminds me of when I went back to England and asked my sister to drive me to our old home in Hempstead and she refused. "It would break your heart to see how such a pretty village with houses and orchards such as ours were completely eliminated for high rises and sophistication of city life."


I sat in the studio room and watched as my son put the large closet in order, throwing out all that I could and labelling all the plastic drawers and boxes.
He took out the recyclables and garbage which included heavy items and I can now see what is where.
It seemed Willy's things turned up often and decisions had to be made. I found the small stuffed Husky dog he was given because he did jobs for a friend. He always kept it where he could see it. So many photographs. I'll package them up to send to Sweden.  I have a large box which will be labelled "Willy' so I can take my time to make choices about the articles.
I think of two ladies I knew who had to throw out every one of their photos. They both had sons who hadn't married, they didn't know what to do with photographs and of course there were no grandchildren. One was a weaver and had to give away her large loom. Their families had come to an end.


We had dinner downstairs and they had fixed the private dining room up festive for Easter. It was pleasant.


My son is transferring my old stuff from one lap-top to another newer one and taking me off from Netflix. He found where people are making comments on my Blog and thank you to those bringing words to me to make me feel more comfortable in this present role.
Sometimes, I like this technology.
signed -  being helped over losing Willy - Doris

Settling down

Found it difficult to stop imagining Willy's face when I tried to get to sleep last night. The fact that his ashes are in the closet and not attended to - makes me unsettled.


Mark arrived from the Island at 3:30 p.m. I had alerted him to the fact that it would be better for me if we disposed of the ashes today instead of tomorrow.


He took the bag out of the cardboard box and put it in a shopping bag so it would be less obvious what we were to do.
I could not bring myself to handle the planned event but stood a short way off and focussed on what was happening and felt relief.


We sat on a bench in the sunlight, listening to the birds sing and wept a little but I felt a release and was grateful for it.


We came home and there was the Mission Record with the article so beautifully laid out.
I felt grateful for it being there and seeing it made me smile knowing that we knew those years together and I truly "let him go" with that feeling.


I had to pick up my photos from London Drugs (taken two hours before Willy died) and passed the camera department. I'm sure it was telling me to buy the camera I've had my eye on but didn't buy  because it was too expensive. It was reduced by one hundred dollars!!!
I did what it told me to do and brought it home.


signed - missing him but not sad - Doris

Ashes

We had a lovely Easter brunch at lunch time. It all looked festive with runners on the table-cloths, roses in pots on the tables and balloons strung up. Very nice.
My friend Michael from the Island phoned and we feel very alike about life and art so it was good to talk to him.


Phone call came from the funeral home all right to let me know Death certificates and the ashes were ready for pick up.
Thank goodness Brenda was feeling well enough to drive and take me there.
As we stepped out of the car I started to be nervous. I'd brought a Safeway plastic bag to carry the cardboard box in and wondered just how large the ashes would come to. After all I'd never seen them packaged before. Brenda, who always has emergency items, be it elastic bands, band-aids, scissors, aspirins, combs and so on in her purse, had handy a large secure bag with handles and brought it into the office.
When the staff lady showed us the cardboard box, Brenda's bag was needed.
I lifted it and was floored at how heavy it was. The lady said "He must have had high bone mass density!"
Even though Brenda shouldn't carry the box - she did and said when I feel things are heavy because of my age, other people don't.


I'd received a bill for an ambulance ride Willy had in March so went to the bank to pay it and we came back to this apartment and put Willy in the closet and then I had to sit down.


I felt a sort of comfort to know he's around (even if he isn't really) but any comfort is welcome thank you very much!


signed getting a more settled feeling - Doris

The Record

The Mission Record sent an example of Willy's column to me by e-mail and they did a great job. I needed it to be right and it was and I feel more settled down because of it. I know many Missionites will be glad to know what happened to the "fellow who was always on his bike".
I can be anywhere locally and a stranger will ask what is he doing and where is he.


Hoping to hear from the funeral home tomorrow so I can collect the ashes. After I have spread them I can take a deep breath and begin my widow's life.


Did you know that whenever I said I was a divorced woman, I experienced a look of disgust from some other older women? Even in this age.
I remember too, when I lived in the apartment building where I met Willy. He lived upstairs and I lived downstairs. When we started to sleep together, I'd take up two wine glasses at night and before we went to bed we'd quaff down some wine.
One morning I was coming out of his apartment holding the wine glasses and met a prim resident lady on the stairs. I wish you could have seen the look on her face - It was as if I was the lowest of individuals. I wouldn't be surprised if she had reported me to the Strata council!!!!


This afternoon Carrington had a birthday party for quite a few residents who were born during the month of April and so many turned up to celebrate. The "Nine Lives" entertained with a key board and choir and played the lovely old songs. There was birthday cake and tea or coffee.
My friend Norma celebrated her birthday - NINETY-SIX years young and looking lovely. My billiard coach was there but I didn't see John, who lives next door to me. I tried to find the card I'd put away for him - something about Viagra on it - but I couldn't see it. It'll turn up when I least expect it.


Tonight my friend has put all the disabled clothes I got for Willy in her car to take to MCC. They said people ask for that sort of thing so I'm pleased. Another thing done.


Brenda found something on the Internet which showed the city where I worked in England. A strange ring shape appeared in the sky over Warwick Castle and no one could figure out what it was.
 I worked as a typist in Queen Anne's bedroom there during the war. Today Madame Tussuad's has taken over the castle and replicated the staff and people of that time with wax figures.
My boss chased me up a stone turret which made me scared until I batted at him with my fist and he let me escape.
signed no one chases me now - Doris

Line - up

Flowers and cards arrived today from friends - How lovely!
Thank you from Willy and me.


I had my perm with Jackie who works here at Carrington. She knows exactly what to do with my hair and I will go through the next weeks not giving hair a thought.


Brenda drove me to the appointment at the funeral home in Mission and on the steps, was a friend from years ago. I don't know how some people can have this lovely aura surround their faces but she has it. She plays the piano seriously and rescued a very old Steinway, carved grand piano and had it re-conditioned to its original state.
Her partner added a large room onto his house to accommodate it and I went one time to listen to the top pianists of B.C. play on it. Wonderful.


I thought that Willy would have gone through the "procedure" and I would be glad it was over but because it had been a weekend and the doctor is on holiday - there's a line-up waiting to be attended to and he's still not cremated. It makes me feel unsettled until that part is over with.


We went through all the forms and the staff lady was very kind and patient. She chose to copy the photograph of Willy pretending he was fishing, holding up a net with a can of salmon in it and a cheeky laugh on his face. She did some faxing and Lo and Behold! she got the death certificates done and promised it wouldn't be long before I could collect his ashes.


It was a nice surprise when she said for a small amount of money the staff could officially notify all Government agencies necessary of the death. What a relief.
I had to say if I wanted his wedding ring and she assured me they wouldn't injure his finger to take it off.
I had initially chosen a box instead of an urn to put the ashes in but I didn't like what I saw. Brenda said "If you're going to spread the ashes right away, why bother. They put them in a cardboard box." And I thought it was just what Willy would say, so no urn. No dressing him up. No embalming. No coffin to take him to the oven. And there was no pressure to do otherwise. It made all the difference in the world to have Brenda there with me and if I wish the world anything it would be to have a companion with you when you have to do difficult things like this.


The Record office was closed so Brenda will take me tomorrow.


Step by step I'll get it done  signed Impatient Doris

Day at Home

I stayed at home today.
Waking up this morning I thought maybe I'd caught the Norwalk Flu, I was so out of sorts. Joy and I hadn't been able to wash our hands after we were gathering Willy's things and the director had told us the sickness there had been the Norwalk Flu.
Thought we could find a dispenser with that stuff in it in the bank - there was none. As I said, she tried to buy some at the Loonie store and I asked for some in the Ladies store all to no avail. What has happened when we had them all over the place?
So Joy, being a nurse was concerned we might have symptoms.
However, after getting breakfast and tidying up I was all right and started getting phone calls from my children - some I hadn't heard their voice for a while so it was really good.


I was so happy to know that Brenda will be with me at the funeral home. I've realized the value of having someone with you when you have a difficult job to do. She also said she'd drive me to Abbotsford to put the story of Willy's life in the newspaper which surprised me because I didn't know our local paper has an office in Abbotsford now.


My friend "dropped in" for a visit - it was so nice to talk with her.
I'm going to type what I'm putting in the paper so the ones who can't get our paper will read it.


IN MEMORY OF WILLY SMITH - THE BICYCLE MAN.
Do you remember an older man on a bike who appeared wherever you looked?
"We saw him in Maple Ridge!"
"We saw him with his bike in a line-up to get on the ferry to Nanaimo!"
That man was Willy Smith and when he was over eighty years old he cycled to Kamloops and back from Mission. He slept on a garbage bag in the bush on the way there because he didn't believe in spending money on a motel.
He loved being in nature, picking up discarded bottles on the way.
In the mornings he had coffee at MacDonalds where people told him they admired him for being active and he was a role model for them.


Willy arrived in Canada in 1947 and worked in construction on oil and logging sites. He was the hardest worker known and never out of work a day (until he found he was giving too much to the Government income tax so took time off to go to Mexico.)


He came from Denmark and had never married (one story was he had to climb out of the bathroom window of a widow's house who had asked him in for dinner.)
At age sixty-nine he met Doris Paterson - a Mission artist and writer who was sixty-five and had ten children!! She was divorced and opposite to Willy in every way. They fell in love and were together for twenty-four years, officially marrying in the year 2001.


Doris wrote a small book "Willy and Me" about how they compromised in their togetherness and the book was published by Portage and Main Press of Winnipeg. Two sequel books were combined with this and titled "The artist and the Bicycle man."


After his ninetieth birthday he was taken to E.C.U. because of Parkinson's disease - kicking and raging against being confined to Pleasantview.


Willy died when he was ninety-three years old. He passed away on February 11th 2014, leaving his wife Doris, brother Vagn/Ellen and his nieces in Sweden.
His family will be ever grateful for the loving care he received at Pleasantview.


Doris received this e-mail from a friend:-
"I never really knew Willy but feel I did get to know and understand a bit about him through your stories and books. You are an excellent story-teller and give characters life. through this, you have given Willy a place in everyone's memory which could possibly last forever. No one could ask for a more profound legacy to leave behind than by what you have given Willy through your writings. By the same token, Willy has been a great influence on you since he became part of your life and has given you some wonderful and funny memories.
I think you were both very lucky to have had each other. I am both sad and relieved by the news. I would say he was a man of conviction and knew at the end, life in a care home was not what he wanted and just let go. Good for Willy!"
Books are available at Mission Arts Council Gallery - Catherwood St. off Lougheed, Mission B.C.

family

Yes - family counts at a time like this. It was so good to have their e=mails and hear their voices on the phone. And my dear friends with their messages are letting me know they cared about Willy and me. Thank you.
Joy came from Maple Ridge like a spring bouquet in a flowery dress. I think all my children are good organizers and "take hold" of situations and get things done.
"First you've got to eat" she said and we went to the White Spot and I had my favourite - strawberry waffle and the strawberries were real !!
Next we left the photos of Willy the last time I saw him at London Drugs for developing.
"What would you like to do?" Joy asked as we were passing my favourite Jewelry store. I needed a new watch so we went in. I bought a delicate watch (for best) which was half price and a silver chain for my neck. The staff there are friends and follow my path in life.
Then we high tailed it to Pleasantview in case everyone had left the building in their haste to get to the new building. Joy found the atmosphere as I had, disturbing, with no bustle and few care-aids. The care director took time to say she was sorry about Willy and she could tell he had known I was there when I last saw him and I was one of the lucky ones who didn't have to witness a struggle before he died. We all agree it was better that he didn't have to go through the move.
We collected all his clothes, razors and photo from the wall. Leaving the used creams, lotions, soap and toothpaste for the cleaning staff to clear up and Joy brought home the bear.
Once again, I'd forgotten for us to bring the small cart to wheel them to the car.
Goodbye dear Pleasantview - may the ones who will take over the building grow to love it as we did.


Off to the funeral home but it was closed for the week-end.
Then to the bank where I transferred some money from his account into our joint account.
By this time we needed to come home and as we came through the door, the funeral home called.
I'm to go on Monday at 3:15 p.m. and take a photo and info on Willy to identify him and praise be! I don't have to see him. I want to retain the picture I have of him as I last saw him.
They said they will help me get through the form-filling and have retrieved the record they made out when I went to them a long time ago. I can't believe that time has come.
The day was so full, I didn't feel bad. I was so grateful for the way everything clicked in.


Friend Wendy wrote an e-mail which summed up what Willy was about and how lucky we were to have had that time together. I will treasure it, thank you Wendy.


Hoping I will continue to cope well - signed Doris without her Knight in Shining armour!

Life

Went to see Willy after the funny time we had with Laura and her husband Linden making a video.
It was to include many residents and there were many re-takes and gestures to go with music.


He was finding it harder to breathe but not struggling. Once again everything was clean, pillows plumped and his arm was around the teddy bear under the covers. How kind were the staff to do that little thing.
Eyes were completely closed, face not in agony.
I undid the covers to stroke his hand, remembering how I loved the strength and solidness of his hands, especially when I put them next to mine which are pale and looked so small next to the symbol of always doing hard work.
I've looked at his face for so long laying there in his bed that when I turn my head I see a ghost impression of it.
I took a photograph of Willy, remembering an artist - I think Manet not Monet who sat to draw his mother's dying face. Something we artists feel we should do.
He seemed to have regained the sweetness in his look that was there when I first knew him
I allowed myself to think maybe he should not have decided to stop living but of course that's being silly. It's better for him to be at peace and not feel a prisoner in that monster of a wheelchair when he can't move the thing and has to rely on the staff. When he first saw it he said he would never use it and that's what pretty well happened. I left around five o'clock.


At half past eight, May came in to talk and during this, the phone rang and it was Pleasantview nurse to tell me that Willy has died.


I had to get a Tums.


Phoned the funeral home and they are to contact Pleasantview and will phone me tomorrow morning.
Willy was ninety-three, had lived his life the way he wanted and he had a companion who loved him. So we should not mourn for him - we should just miss him and be glad we were part of his life.




I was with him until nearly five o'clock so I feel he knew I had been with him.
Pleasantview just phoned to ask what do I want to do about his wedding ring. I had noticed his finger was puffy so I didn't want them to force it off. They said the funeral home will give it to me.


Now I am a widow and it is another phase of my life but oh! I will miss him.
signed not believing it yet - Doris