Ultrasound

After Marianne left last night I put more water in the vase where she had arranged such beautiful long stemmed, subtle white roses and posted up notes not to forget to fast. So easy to do when you're used to a regular routine on getting up in the morning. I am insulin dependent and a diabetic.
I woke up at 2 a.m. and took my blood sugar test - it was seven - so for the time being I was safe.
I woke up at three a.m. to pee.
I woke up at four a.m. took a reading again - it was five. Danger line for me. Can I last till nine-fifteen without eating something? No. I got up and had sips of mango juice hoping it was enough.
Spent the rest of the night fretting would it be enough.
Seven-thirty the alarm went and I took the test once again - it was six. Which meant maybe I'll be okay maybe I won't by 9:15 the appointment time.
Washed and dressed, packed some juice and chocolate with a book into a bag, collected my coat and purse with the requisition for ultrasound and drove to he hospital.
No available parking anywhere around but I remembered I had my card. 2 stalls right in front of the hospital door listed only for emergency. Well this is an emergency for me so I parked there and stuck up my card (first time).
Undressed and put on a gown. As it was for my stomach, thought leave my lower half bare - was told no - the top half of me bare, all of me naked so changed it around.
I had an ultrasound before but they had to stop because it was painful. This time every time she pushed at a certain spot, I jumped and cried out. She was annoyed and said "I can't do anything when you do that so stop it." At that point I was ready to leave the room. It was hurting so much I started to cry and she was angry. "Your doctor should have used another test if you are like this" she said.
What is it with doctors and staff like this? Do they think you are imagining your pain? I remember being examined for pregnancy. The doctor puts his fingers up your insides as far as he can while he's pushing down on your stomach with his other hand and saying, "Now relax, this won't hurt."
When she said she was done, I got up from the table and started to shake and cry. She walked with me to the dressing place and I did manage to dress but was shaken up for sure.
The waiting room was blocked with people waiting for lab tests and x-rays - it looked as if there had been a  terrorist attack or something.
I walked past the room and there was the gift store. The volunteer on duty pulled out a chair so I could sit down - thank you Sally - and I sure needed it and the small amount of coffee I pinched from a cart which was marked "Only for staff".
I ate the chocolate and talked till I regained my composure to drive home.
signed - And that was my last ultrasound. - Doris