at last

Tues,. May 27th
My dr just came
This am more pressure as  to what was I going to do & where am I going. Seeing as how they can't keep me here, because I can go to the bathroom & wash myself & I'm surrounded by books, cell phone & a computer- so obviously to them I'm not hospital material!!!
They don't realize I takes an effort for me to do all these things & when I get back to bed I huff & puff for a while before I have enough energy to pull up the covers.
Last night they gave me another bag of platelets by intravenous.
Barbara was with me to witness my helpless shaking from head to foot for 45 minutes.
I thought it would be only a case of a chill but when it continued so long we called the nurse, pressing the red button which the staff had gaily pointed out "anything you want just press the red button & I'll be right there." Which is certainly not carried though.
Twenty minutes later the nurse comes &"There was a change of shift" she said.
And hank goodness Barbara was able to confirm the length of time I had endured the shaking.
Was it a reaction to the platelets?
Was it a chill?
Ah! I remembered I didn't eat my dinner & it must have sent my blood sugar crashing. B, found me some fruit juice & soon I was OK, B, covered me with blankets & left.
The platelets had finished long ago but the tubes eventually ere taken out.

I plunged into a sleep which was so deep it was a void.
Waking up with a start at 10pm I FELT I WAS A LOBSTER IN BOILING WATER. I TORE OFF MY SWEATER & all the covers in an attempt to cool down but for a half hour I remained in lobster condition.
Finally exhausted I slept.

At 9am Karen, the home accommodation lady came, telling me she will send home care to the apartment.

I enlightened her to my situation. It is not a solution for me.
She promises to find out more about hospice.

Ted sends email, saying he's arrived in Vancouver but bent down to pick up a pen & put his back out. He'll come here on Friday.

Dr  B comes "I can't understand how everything is going down so quickly, You only had the platelets last night but already I have to order more for today. Your cells are also going down from what they were."
"Wait" I say. That will change everything we initially planned to do. I want to go upstairs & stop platelets."
He is kind, all reactions show on his face. "Are you sure? What about making the date of your art show?"
"It's telling me to be realistic. We can't continue a losing battle," I say
He respected my wish. "I'll talk to staff", he said. "Paul will come to see you. '

Typed by Brenda