Laura - Laura - Your's is such a sorry time about your father.
You have faced so many times of grief.
All I can say is he would be glad he didn't "hang on" in pain. Who wants that.
I know you have a strong-man's strength in your faith and it will carry you through.
Your involvement with others and your young family will fill your days and carry you on to make more crazy videos and show the old folk how to forget their worries.
I'm confined to the bed now but am comfortable.
Know that my spirit is with you. love Doris
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Replying to "How are you?"
I'm finding it is me who has to console others rather than the other way around when they come to see me.
They say - "How are you?"
What can I say - "I'm dying'?
"I'm getting weaker."
So I say - "Don't worry. I'm not sad."
How can I be sad?
I've lived ninety years and its been an interesting procedure.
First acting on the stage. Coming to this great country Canada. Having ten children.
Having the privilege of painting, then discovering writing and the making of books.
Finding Willy and sharing his wit with the world.
Seeing my children grow into powerful people who want to make the world a better place - whether it likes that or not!
Having friends who can break your heart with their caring and devotion.
Having seen so much of the beauty of this planet in different countries.
Having known myself and told other women, we can come to that insurmountable desolation and although we find it impossible to believe, we CAN and WILL rise up - blossom in a way which stuns us and surpass all expectations to accomplish undreamed of events!
Hospice assures me I will die without pain and every day here is full of loving care, so I'm not sad I am Grateful.
Joy came with her boys Cody and Chris. Cody persuaded me to go out to the balcony in a wheelchair which has lovely flowers and knew how to care for this little old lady.
Joan B. came and did a wonderful thing, phoning my brother John in Australia for me and he was on the speaker phone to tell me all his news. He will get a computer and lessons so he can be in touch with me. Hooray!
Steve came with a Florist shop full of flowers and told about his new job.
My son Ted blew in from Winnipeg last night and is staying with Brenda.
Brenda,Jason (grandson) and Ted came and listened to the Australia phone call too. Big day for Jason because he got his driver's license.
I am as of now, off of insulin. Any poke of needle brings a flow of blood. The doctor was right.
I'm pushing the red button regularly and sticking to the commode. I've been given another day......
Signed grateful Doris.
They say - "How are you?"
What can I say - "I'm dying'?
"I'm getting weaker."
So I say - "Don't worry. I'm not sad."
How can I be sad?
I've lived ninety years and its been an interesting procedure.
First acting on the stage. Coming to this great country Canada. Having ten children.
Having the privilege of painting, then discovering writing and the making of books.
Finding Willy and sharing his wit with the world.
Seeing my children grow into powerful people who want to make the world a better place - whether it likes that or not!
Having friends who can break your heart with their caring and devotion.
Having seen so much of the beauty of this planet in different countries.
Having known myself and told other women, we can come to that insurmountable desolation and although we find it impossible to believe, we CAN and WILL rise up - blossom in a way which stuns us and surpass all expectations to accomplish undreamed of events!
Hospice assures me I will die without pain and every day here is full of loving care, so I'm not sad I am Grateful.
Joy came with her boys Cody and Chris. Cody persuaded me to go out to the balcony in a wheelchair which has lovely flowers and knew how to care for this little old lady.
Joan B. came and did a wonderful thing, phoning my brother John in Australia for me and he was on the speaker phone to tell me all his news. He will get a computer and lessons so he can be in touch with me. Hooray!
Steve came with a Florist shop full of flowers and told about his new job.
My son Ted blew in from Winnipeg last night and is staying with Brenda.
Brenda,Jason (grandson) and Ted came and listened to the Australia phone call too. Big day for Jason because he got his driver's license.
I am as of now, off of insulin. Any poke of needle brings a flow of blood. The doctor was right.
I'm pushing the red button regularly and sticking to the commode. I've been given another day......
Signed grateful Doris.
Friday, May 30, 2014
News flash
Discovery. Nurse gave me a shampoo in bed. It's a rinse free shampoo and conditioner in a cap. Out by Comfort Personal Cleansing. Made by Sage Products. Latex free. Not available in drug stores but can be had in medical supply stores or call toll free 1-800-323-2220.
Shop Sage Products .com
Tear open package, microwave warm entire package, no longer than 30 seconds. Place cap on head, gently massage cap to saturate hair, 1 to 2 minutes. Remove cap, towel dry. Look good.
trying to learn the language of the kitchen staff. Wrote a note to say please don't give me milk (I hate waste ) next meal no milk and no gravy. So hard to swallow pureed peas.
Karen came. She is the lady I saw when Willy came to the hospital 3 1/2 years ago. When I had gone through so much confusion with assessing Willy, it was similar when I opened the door of her office to when I came to hospice. She understood was clear, and helped me go the next step for Willy's accommodation. She liked the "The Artist and Bicycle Man" and asked for more books.
My dear friend Mary breezed through the door dressed in red and white stripes with flamboyant scarf and jeweled hands. She told me that every year after I die the girls will celebrate my birthday on that day. She always thinks of original ways to show she cares.
Margret B came. Looking like spring and had a celebration of her school's 100th birthday. they told her she looked good for her age.
Mark has been running around doing lots of things. Even showing me how to work the hospice phone.
I talked to Pat, Pearce, Paul and Ted but he doesn't know who it was because pressing the buttons. I got the cook at the best western who suggested tonight's specials
Sorry to say even going on the commode is hard for me but I am getting used to pressing the red button.
Signed Red Button Doris
Shop Sage Products .com
Tear open package, microwave warm entire package, no longer than 30 seconds. Place cap on head, gently massage cap to saturate hair, 1 to 2 minutes. Remove cap, towel dry. Look good.
trying to learn the language of the kitchen staff. Wrote a note to say please don't give me milk (I hate waste ) next meal no milk and no gravy. So hard to swallow pureed peas.
Karen came. She is the lady I saw when Willy came to the hospital 3 1/2 years ago. When I had gone through so much confusion with assessing Willy, it was similar when I opened the door of her office to when I came to hospice. She understood was clear, and helped me go the next step for Willy's accommodation. She liked the "The Artist and Bicycle Man" and asked for more books.
My dear friend Mary breezed through the door dressed in red and white stripes with flamboyant scarf and jeweled hands. She told me that every year after I die the girls will celebrate my birthday on that day. She always thinks of original ways to show she cares.
Margret B came. Looking like spring and had a celebration of her school's 100th birthday. they told her she looked good for her age.
Mark has been running around doing lots of things. Even showing me how to work the hospice phone.
I talked to Pat, Pearce, Paul and Ted but he doesn't know who it was because pressing the buttons. I got the cook at the best western who suggested tonight's specials
Sorry to say even going on the commode is hard for me but I am getting used to pressing the red button.
Signed Red Button Doris
Thursday, May 29, 2014
happenings
So much to talk about today, I know I won't get it all in.
I can't look at those awkward gloucometers the nurses have to use. The nurse here says she doesn't mind them but compared to mine, these things are over heavy and hard to 'punch' in the code etc. Every nurse downstairs dreaded using the thing. One didn't have the strength to do it, meanwhile the time ran out and they had to get more strips and my meals waited for the result before I could eat and then they were cold.
I was told these are entirely new this year and they had to take a course on how to use them. It is high tech and first they code the strips with the machine because results go directly to the lab to enable research to find out how diabetics are doing.
I don't care what they say and as I said, "If they know how to go to the moon they can invent something less clumsy.
Barbara phoned to say the ninety-three year old lady who was meeting on the phone with the three top specialists in my disease asked many questions about it.
Their answer was to the point. "There's nothing to be done. When the platelets have not survived you go to Hospice. Period."
It was good to talk to Barbara anyway and she's coming 12th June.
Dr. Quon came to talk to me and I liked her attitude.
"You have only so much energy in your body. It's up to you how you expend it. This morning you walked to the bathroom and it took ten minutes of hard breathing to calm down.
You are using energy when we are here to help you NOT to do that. When you need to go to the bathroom, ring the famous red button and we will put you on the commode.
You must forget your independent ways and learn to relie on us.
It's up to you."
So I said "Yes Ma am! and I will try to learn." and I will do it to extend my days as much as I can.
I'm to forget having sugar tests and cut my insulin in half to 13 units.
Last night dear Shirley Dawson came with lovely flowers and is upset she can't get my Blog. Can someone help Bob or Shirley please because Shirley's life work is keeping everyone in touch with their friends and family and she's missing out.
Mark came for the purpose of making sure everything is tickety-boo and I'm being cared for properly which he could see it is so.
Joy came unexpected and listened to the doctor and the hope I can live a bit longer than we initially thought.
Marianne brought me a Rose Quartz in the shape of a heart - I'll hold its energy to my chest.
Faithful Barbara F. came with news of goings-on in town.
And now my energy is flagging - must say goodnight and so much love over the air-waves.
signed hoping for more days than previous - Doris.
I can't look at those awkward gloucometers the nurses have to use. The nurse here says she doesn't mind them but compared to mine, these things are over heavy and hard to 'punch' in the code etc. Every nurse downstairs dreaded using the thing. One didn't have the strength to do it, meanwhile the time ran out and they had to get more strips and my meals waited for the result before I could eat and then they were cold.
I was told these are entirely new this year and they had to take a course on how to use them. It is high tech and first they code the strips with the machine because results go directly to the lab to enable research to find out how diabetics are doing.
I don't care what they say and as I said, "If they know how to go to the moon they can invent something less clumsy.
Barbara phoned to say the ninety-three year old lady who was meeting on the phone with the three top specialists in my disease asked many questions about it.
Their answer was to the point. "There's nothing to be done. When the platelets have not survived you go to Hospice. Period."
It was good to talk to Barbara anyway and she's coming 12th June.
Dr. Quon came to talk to me and I liked her attitude.
"You have only so much energy in your body. It's up to you how you expend it. This morning you walked to the bathroom and it took ten minutes of hard breathing to calm down.
You are using energy when we are here to help you NOT to do that. When you need to go to the bathroom, ring the famous red button and we will put you on the commode.
You must forget your independent ways and learn to relie on us.
It's up to you."
So I said "Yes Ma am! and I will try to learn." and I will do it to extend my days as much as I can.
I'm to forget having sugar tests and cut my insulin in half to 13 units.
Last night dear Shirley Dawson came with lovely flowers and is upset she can't get my Blog. Can someone help Bob or Shirley please because Shirley's life work is keeping everyone in touch with their friends and family and she's missing out.
Mark came for the purpose of making sure everything is tickety-boo and I'm being cared for properly which he could see it is so.
Joy came unexpected and listened to the doctor and the hope I can live a bit longer than we initially thought.
Marianne brought me a Rose Quartz in the shape of a heart - I'll hold its energy to my chest.
Faithful Barbara F. came with news of goings-on in town.
And now my energy is flagging - must say goodnight and so much love over the air-waves.
signed hoping for more days than previous - Doris.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
hospice
Well here I am - Dr.Patel speeded up the process after looking at my record and called Paul the liaison man for hospice who trundled down in his efficient, cheerful way flapping forms around and saying there's one bed available and he'd get things going right away.
Joy came and packed everything - it looked as if I had collected more stuff here than at my apartment.
Staff appeared with wheelchair and other staff and Joy took up the rear with my packed walker and looking like a camel procession in the dessert, we upped on the elevator to hospice.
Of course everything is lovely. Joy even brought the flowers and put them in my room (#310) with no criticism from anyone, It is spacious and has a chesterfield as well as a bed, a fridge, T.V., cupboards, people-pleasing phone with on and off instead of a red button that means "start".
stereo, clock and reading lamps.
I was put in bed and with my pillow and blankie - felt comfortable to the extreme. As I said it was a first class Purgatory.
Michelle is on staff and begged me to remember her with women dancing and I couldn't until I found out it was at our Summer Solstice at Connie's place - so we had a lot to talk about,.
Wendy cancelled T.V. and told me such meaningful words
Joy e-mailed some of the family that my situation had changed as I dictated the words. She had to go and Brenda came.
Brenda filled out the required forms here asking such things as "Tell us your life" - are they kidding??? and set out to do the many chores which are cropping up in regard to me being here.
Mady before I forget because I can't always find my e-mail position - Knowledge network had a video on Lilian Broca ( I think). She is an artist who works in Mosaic.
I met her and saw her solo show in Richmond years ago. She portrayed Goddesses. She has discovered a better way of working with mosaic which is more brilliant than she used before.
It's beautiful work although the theme is like old-time ancient work.
Barbara came to see my new "digs".
Heleen came with such good news on Jos. Hooray!
Dinner is served hot - had a hot soup and lady said why not have more. I told her I might not eat the rest of my supper which she poo-pooed and scooped me another bowl-full - delicious.
I have just heard that Mark is coming.
Having received so much love today I'm sending it back to all who care - thank you.
signed Whomped Doris
Joy came and packed everything - it looked as if I had collected more stuff here than at my apartment.
Staff appeared with wheelchair and other staff and Joy took up the rear with my packed walker and looking like a camel procession in the dessert, we upped on the elevator to hospice.
Of course everything is lovely. Joy even brought the flowers and put them in my room (#310) with no criticism from anyone, It is spacious and has a chesterfield as well as a bed, a fridge, T.V., cupboards, people-pleasing phone with on and off instead of a red button that means "start".
stereo, clock and reading lamps.
I was put in bed and with my pillow and blankie - felt comfortable to the extreme. As I said it was a first class Purgatory.
Michelle is on staff and begged me to remember her with women dancing and I couldn't until I found out it was at our Summer Solstice at Connie's place - so we had a lot to talk about,.
Wendy cancelled T.V. and told me such meaningful words
Joy e-mailed some of the family that my situation had changed as I dictated the words. She had to go and Brenda came.
Brenda filled out the required forms here asking such things as "Tell us your life" - are they kidding??? and set out to do the many chores which are cropping up in regard to me being here.
Mady before I forget because I can't always find my e-mail position - Knowledge network had a video on Lilian Broca ( I think). She is an artist who works in Mosaic.
I met her and saw her solo show in Richmond years ago. She portrayed Goddesses. She has discovered a better way of working with mosaic which is more brilliant than she used before.
It's beautiful work although the theme is like old-time ancient work.
Barbara came to see my new "digs".
Heleen came with such good news on Jos. Hooray!
Dinner is served hot - had a hot soup and lady said why not have more. I told her I might not eat the rest of my supper which she poo-pooed and scooped me another bowl-full - delicious.
I have just heard that Mark is coming.
Having received so much love today I'm sending it back to all who care - thank you.
signed Whomped Doris
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
at last
Tues,. May 27th
My dr just came
This am more pressure as to what was I going to do & where am I going. Seeing as how they can't keep me here, because I can go to the bathroom & wash myself & I'm surrounded by books, cell phone & a computer- so obviously to them I'm not hospital material!!!
They don't realize I takes an effort for me to do all these things & when I get back to bed I huff & puff for a while before I have enough energy to pull up the covers.
Last night they gave me another bag of platelets by intravenous.
Barbara was with me to witness my helpless shaking from head to foot for 45 minutes.
I thought it would be only a case of a chill but when it continued so long we called the nurse, pressing the red button which the staff had gaily pointed out "anything you want just press the red button & I'll be right there." Which is certainly not carried though.
Twenty minutes later the nurse comes &"There was a change of shift" she said.
And hank goodness Barbara was able to confirm the length of time I had endured the shaking.
Was it a reaction to the platelets?
Was it a chill?
Ah! I remembered I didn't eat my dinner & it must have sent my blood sugar crashing. B, found me some fruit juice & soon I was OK, B, covered me with blankets & left.
The platelets had finished long ago but the tubes eventually ere taken out.
I plunged into a sleep which was so deep it was a void.
Waking up with a start at 10pm I FELT I WAS A LOBSTER IN BOILING WATER. I TORE OFF MY SWEATER & all the covers in an attempt to cool down but for a half hour I remained in lobster condition.
Finally exhausted I slept.
At 9am Karen, the home accommodation lady came, telling me she will send home care to the apartment.
I enlightened her to my situation. It is not a solution for me.
She promises to find out more about hospice.
Ted sends email, saying he's arrived in Vancouver but bent down to pick up a pen & put his back out. He'll come here on Friday.
Dr B comes "I can't understand how everything is going down so quickly, You only had the platelets last night but already I have to order more for today. Your cells are also going down from what they were."
"Wait" I say. That will change everything we initially planned to do. I want to go upstairs & stop platelets."
He is kind, all reactions show on his face. "Are you sure? What about making the date of your art show?"
"It's telling me to be realistic. We can't continue a losing battle," I say
He respected my wish. "I'll talk to staff", he said. "Paul will come to see you. '
Typed by Brenda
My dr just came
This am more pressure as to what was I going to do & where am I going. Seeing as how they can't keep me here, because I can go to the bathroom & wash myself & I'm surrounded by books, cell phone & a computer- so obviously to them I'm not hospital material!!!
They don't realize I takes an effort for me to do all these things & when I get back to bed I huff & puff for a while before I have enough energy to pull up the covers.
Last night they gave me another bag of platelets by intravenous.
Barbara was with me to witness my helpless shaking from head to foot for 45 minutes.
I thought it would be only a case of a chill but when it continued so long we called the nurse, pressing the red button which the staff had gaily pointed out "anything you want just press the red button & I'll be right there." Which is certainly not carried though.
Twenty minutes later the nurse comes &"There was a change of shift" she said.
And hank goodness Barbara was able to confirm the length of time I had endured the shaking.
Was it a reaction to the platelets?
Was it a chill?
Ah! I remembered I didn't eat my dinner & it must have sent my blood sugar crashing. B, found me some fruit juice & soon I was OK, B, covered me with blankets & left.
The platelets had finished long ago but the tubes eventually ere taken out.
I plunged into a sleep which was so deep it was a void.
Waking up with a start at 10pm I FELT I WAS A LOBSTER IN BOILING WATER. I TORE OFF MY SWEATER & all the covers in an attempt to cool down but for a half hour I remained in lobster condition.
Finally exhausted I slept.
At 9am Karen, the home accommodation lady came, telling me she will send home care to the apartment.
I enlightened her to my situation. It is not a solution for me.
She promises to find out more about hospice.
Ted sends email, saying he's arrived in Vancouver but bent down to pick up a pen & put his back out. He'll come here on Friday.
Dr B comes "I can't understand how everything is going down so quickly, You only had the platelets last night but already I have to order more for today. Your cells are also going down from what they were."
"Wait" I say. That will change everything we initially planned to do. I want to go upstairs & stop platelets."
He is kind, all reactions show on his face. "Are you sure? What about making the date of your art show?"
"It's telling me to be realistic. We can't continue a losing battle," I say
He respected my wish. "I'll talk to staff", he said. "Paul will come to see you. '
Typed by Brenda
Monday, May 26, 2014
note
Have had trouble with note-book -lots of visitors (good) and platelets again so sorry but will fix tomorrow. signed shakey Doris.
Death
Well, things have changed and lots of talk about dying.
Apparently, I'm told the situation for me is a luxury the health system can't afford.
I was told that I'm supposed to die and I'm just delaying the fact and I'm in a room that is desperately needed by four people in the E.R. and here I lay with even an empty bed next to me which is unused.
What am I going to do about it?
Ironic really when there's about twenty Dementia people who are in no-man's/woman's land and they're staying in beds on this ward !!!!
But I understand. This morning I had a blood test which will tell us what is going on with me.
Apparently, I'm told the situation for me is a luxury the health system can't afford.
I was told that I'm supposed to die and I'm just delaying the fact and I'm in a room that is desperately needed by four people in the E.R. and here I lay with even an empty bed next to me which is unused.
What am I going to do about it?
Ironic really when there's about twenty Dementia people who are in no-man's/woman's land and they're staying in beds on this ward !!!!
But I understand. This morning I had a blood test which will tell us what is going on with me.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
hello again
Hi! seems to be I can type but uncomfortable because I'm standing and notepad is in emergency basket on the wall.
Just finished urgent discussion on the Spirit with fill-in doctor. He also said emergency room has urgent need for beds and I could go to nursing home in Langley or Abbots, and get transfused in clinic twice a week............
My blasts (which I didn't know I had are at 8
when they reach 40 they will not give me medicine or treatment.
Had bad pain in left side last night.2 Tynenols fixed it.
This is hard to do and notepad slipping -must go and love signed slipping Doris.
Just finished urgent discussion on the Spirit with fill-in doctor. He also said emergency room has urgent need for beds and I could go to nursing home in Langley or Abbots, and get transfused in clinic twice a week............
My blasts (which I didn't know I had are at 8
when they reach 40 they will not give me medicine or treatment.
Had bad pain in left side last night.2 Tynenols fixed it.
This is hard to do and notepad slipping -must go and love signed slipping Doris.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Walking the hospital halls
I go for a walk with the rehab lady every day and it has proven to be kind of interesting as I visit two ladies I know and they are happy to have a diversion.
I have to pass a wider area in the corridor where they accumulate the mostly dementia people but it's discouraging to witness such tradgedy. But I guess it's a change for them to see different people.
I've finished Peter Ustinov's autobiography. What a tour-de-force! There's so much to think about with his stories in cutting humour both in his childhood and his marriages.
What is marriage anyway? I mean for a woman? Are we working towards having women being their own entities? Well that might mean having only one child or none.
Fathers and sons have such a hard time getting sorted out. Ah well- I'll leave that for a while and pick it up later.
Staff has just moved my flowers closer to the door. Should look up on Wickepedia about flowers in hospital giving out carbon monoxide,
Marianne came with some lovely ones and just huffed when I told her she has to put them outside and promptly put them on the window sill !!
My platelets came at midnight and finished about 2 a.m. intravenously. I must say I feel quite good now.
Brenda came with all manner of things I had on a list. I keep remembering things like my bottom teeth and special cream for my legs and arms which resemble Rhinocerous hide.
She loaned me a small book about a snail and I am learning quite a bit from it.
Amazing how much there's left to learn about life.
Staff person said "Your children are lucky they have a mother who does a blog"!
Dear ones - I'll say goodnight.
signed Platelet full- Doris
I have to pass a wider area in the corridor where they accumulate the mostly dementia people but it's discouraging to witness such tradgedy. But I guess it's a change for them to see different people.
I've finished Peter Ustinov's autobiography. What a tour-de-force! There's so much to think about with his stories in cutting humour both in his childhood and his marriages.
What is marriage anyway? I mean for a woman? Are we working towards having women being their own entities? Well that might mean having only one child or none.
Fathers and sons have such a hard time getting sorted out. Ah well- I'll leave that for a while and pick it up later.
Staff has just moved my flowers closer to the door. Should look up on Wickepedia about flowers in hospital giving out carbon monoxide,
Marianne came with some lovely ones and just huffed when I told her she has to put them outside and promptly put them on the window sill !!
My platelets came at midnight and finished about 2 a.m. intravenously. I must say I feel quite good now.
Brenda came with all manner of things I had on a list. I keep remembering things like my bottom teeth and special cream for my legs and arms which resemble Rhinocerous hide.
She loaned me a small book about a snail and I am learning quite a bit from it.
Amazing how much there's left to learn about life.
Staff person said "Your children are lucky they have a mother who does a blog"!
Dear ones - I'll say goodnight.
signed Platelet full- Doris
Thursday, May 22, 2014
I'm waiting for more Platelets to be delivered tonight.
Mine are all used up.
If the Lab comes, I'll have to close.
I tried to see if you got home all right Mark but can't work the cell phone. Every time I press a button I get someone from outer space !!
Margaret and May came and Dario and Joy brought the keys for the apartment because one or the other forgot them somewhere else.
Barbara F came looking as if she had no problems in the world even though she runs around doing good for all and sundry!
Brenda has been great attacking the first chore of the apartment, cleaning out the fridge and freezer and bringing me more necessities.
Shirley, thank you for your lovely flowers. The nurse snatched them up because they might give me infection !!! However, she kindly put them on a cabinet in the corridor so I can see them from the bed.
I've got a T.V. now even though I said I could do without it but if money goes to Auxiliary - then that's good. Maybe I'll get to enjoy it
Joy brought things from a British shop in Maple Ridge - Tea which has the war-time saying "Keep Calm and carry on!" Stiff upper lip and so on.
I'll be laying down now waiting for the lab work so take care all you dear ones
signed Platelet less Doris
Mine are all used up.
If the Lab comes, I'll have to close.
I tried to see if you got home all right Mark but can't work the cell phone. Every time I press a button I get someone from outer space !!
Margaret and May came and Dario and Joy brought the keys for the apartment because one or the other forgot them somewhere else.
Barbara F came looking as if she had no problems in the world even though she runs around doing good for all and sundry!
Brenda has been great attacking the first chore of the apartment, cleaning out the fridge and freezer and bringing me more necessities.
Shirley, thank you for your lovely flowers. The nurse snatched them up because they might give me infection !!! However, she kindly put them on a cabinet in the corridor so I can see them from the bed.
I've got a T.V. now even though I said I could do without it but if money goes to Auxiliary - then that's good. Maybe I'll get to enjoy it
Joy brought things from a British shop in Maple Ridge - Tea which has the war-time saying "Keep Calm and carry on!" Stiff upper lip and so on.
I'll be laying down now waiting for the lab work so take care all you dear ones
signed Platelet less Doris
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
another day
I'm scared that the note-book will shut down anytime but will go ahead as planned.
Have just been tested for blood sugar and it was 3.8 which is danger level and had to quickly get some juice into me because the nurse took long to get head-nurse permission to give me glucose. Am good now although they left my supper tray at the desk and a young man happened to find and bring it here. Said the kitchen staff didn't want to walk all the way down the corridor. That wasn't true but it is funny it's always me they have trouble getting to.
What a wonderful day for visitors. Thank you for coming. Looking at your faces from the bed, you all look so glowing and lovely - like new actors coming on stage in a play, so healthy and full of life.
Laura, your smile is always there for us and so kind to take the time to come.
Barbara M. tells me she's fixed my head - meaning that she has adjusted a scratch on the clay bust she's made of me!
Joy went back to the apartment and brought my address book and some of my books I wrote so I can give them away to some of the staff. She usually brings a banana which is so handy in between meals.
Mark left for home after getting me a bed tray to handle the notebook, He did so much.
Kim came and gave me a feeling of steadiness.
Pat and Pauline came back from Seattle and enjoyed Pikes market and the dinner in the revolving restaurant on top of the needle and Pauline had her name printed in characters such as butterflies and flowers - each symbol meaning the letters in her name. A lovely souvenier.
I was showered by an expert showerer. Even washed my hair and it felt good.
When I got up this morning, I with feeling as if I would faint. It wasn't nice.
Doctor Bhatt came and confirmed all my wishes were the same as those of Dr.Kim (The internist) and altered the note that said I did not want to have transfusions. Don't know how that got on the records. They will take blood test twice a week and give transfusions as necessary.
My daughter came and is my power of attorney so she will be busy with bank etc. But gradually we will get the necessary items in order. She is good at organising.
Went for escorted walk down the hall so called in to see Marcel's wife Margaret-Mary. They lived down the hall from me.
signed looked after Doris
Have just been tested for blood sugar and it was 3.8 which is danger level and had to quickly get some juice into me because the nurse took long to get head-nurse permission to give me glucose. Am good now although they left my supper tray at the desk and a young man happened to find and bring it here. Said the kitchen staff didn't want to walk all the way down the corridor. That wasn't true but it is funny it's always me they have trouble getting to.
What a wonderful day for visitors. Thank you for coming. Looking at your faces from the bed, you all look so glowing and lovely - like new actors coming on stage in a play, so healthy and full of life.
Laura, your smile is always there for us and so kind to take the time to come.
Barbara M. tells me she's fixed my head - meaning that she has adjusted a scratch on the clay bust she's made of me!
Joy went back to the apartment and brought my address book and some of my books I wrote so I can give them away to some of the staff. She usually brings a banana which is so handy in between meals.
Mark left for home after getting me a bed tray to handle the notebook, He did so much.
Kim came and gave me a feeling of steadiness.
Pat and Pauline came back from Seattle and enjoyed Pikes market and the dinner in the revolving restaurant on top of the needle and Pauline had her name printed in characters such as butterflies and flowers - each symbol meaning the letters in her name. A lovely souvenier.
I was showered by an expert showerer. Even washed my hair and it felt good.
When I got up this morning, I with feeling as if I would faint. It wasn't nice.
Doctor Bhatt came and confirmed all my wishes were the same as those of Dr.Kim (The internist) and altered the note that said I did not want to have transfusions. Don't know how that got on the records. They will take blood test twice a week and give transfusions as necessary.
My daughter came and is my power of attorney so she will be busy with bank etc. But gradually we will get the necessary items in order. She is good at organising.
Went for escorted walk down the hall so called in to see Marcel's wife Margaret-Mary. They lived down the hall from me.
signed looked after Doris
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Getting somewhere
I've just been offered two alternatives to my situation.
My platelets have gone from 57 to 21.
#1. I can stay in Hospital and receive the medical care and Transfusions to keep my platelets going.
#2. I can refuse further transfusions and go to Hospice when my turn comes up on their list and die in comfort and pain controlled. Hospice does not cater to blood medications.
Looks like I will chose #1.
I was so weak today when two people came to walk me down the corridor I cried. ( I thought they were from Jehovah Witness !)But now it's abated and the last doctor (internist) said he'd give me pills for the chronic bone pain in my side.
Dear Lorna - Many thanks for loaning Mark to me in this critical time of my situation. He has been so helpful.
I will fill you in with what I,ve been told about Hospice in another episode because I'm tired.
Love to my dear ones who follow this blog signed Deciding Doris
My platelets have gone from 57 to 21.
#1. I can stay in Hospital and receive the medical care and Transfusions to keep my platelets going.
#2. I can refuse further transfusions and go to Hospice when my turn comes up on their list and die in comfort and pain controlled. Hospice does not cater to blood medications.
Looks like I will chose #1.
I was so weak today when two people came to walk me down the corridor I cried. ( I thought they were from Jehovah Witness !)But now it's abated and the last doctor (internist) said he'd give me pills for the chronic bone pain in my side.
Dear Lorna - Many thanks for loaning Mark to me in this critical time of my situation. He has been so helpful.
I will fill you in with what I,ve been told about Hospice in another episode because I'm tired.
Love to my dear ones who follow this blog signed Deciding Doris
Monday, May 19, 2014
noise
Don't people know if they have a too large voice?
Don't nurses and care aids know that their shoes clackety-clack with echos when they walk down a hospital corridor ?
I am in hospital now and the combination of these clackety-clack, loud conversations, carts squealing and complaining bells ringing in different keys and loud talking combines to send up stress levels of patients
Why can't we have peace and shoes to fit.
It's like being in a restaurant and almost before one has finished eating utensils and soiled plates are not only taken away but are thrown into a receiving tray with a clang and a bang enough to frighten anyone !
Can nurses stand the noiseyness after years of envading their ears ?
Is anyone doing anything about it ?
Everywhere one goes there is NOISE. Cars and trucks on the road. Horns being blown. Brakes squealing, airplanes above, leaf blowers, lawnmowers, dogs barking and you can add your sounds to it all.
Have just finished reading Queen Mary's story. when she thought she was pregnant, an official asked her "How goeth my daughters belly forward?" .
Today was an improvement. Joy brought mashed strawberries. Mark found cookies that steep in tea that will go down my throat.
Joyce came to visit and I felt a bit better.
Signed
better Doris
Don't nurses and care aids know that their shoes clackety-clack with echos when they walk down a hospital corridor ?
I am in hospital now and the combination of these clackety-clack, loud conversations, carts squealing and complaining bells ringing in different keys and loud talking combines to send up stress levels of patients
Why can't we have peace and shoes to fit.
It's like being in a restaurant and almost before one has finished eating utensils and soiled plates are not only taken away but are thrown into a receiving tray with a clang and a bang enough to frighten anyone !
Can nurses stand the noiseyness after years of envading their ears ?
Is anyone doing anything about it ?
Everywhere one goes there is NOISE. Cars and trucks on the road. Horns being blown. Brakes squealing, airplanes above, leaf blowers, lawnmowers, dogs barking and you can add your sounds to it all.
Have just finished reading Queen Mary's story. when she thought she was pregnant, an official asked her "How goeth my daughters belly forward?" .
Today was an improvement. Joy brought mashed strawberries. Mark found cookies that steep in tea that will go down my throat.
Joyce came to visit and I felt a bit better.
Signed
better Doris
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Connecting
I thought it made quite a picture to see 4 p's in the room with white masks on their faces. The 4 powerful p's are, Pat, Pauline, Paul and Mark P. It's wonderful that they came to see me before I get worse. I have a new notebook so I can stay in touch with my friends by blogging. It has become important to me.
Having a bit of trouble with food trays. They forgot breakfast and produced hearty chunks of roast beef for dinner when my mouth is too sore to have anything other than pureed but that is going to be looked after. Bothered with diarrhea which is trying.
My fairy godmother came. May came. Mady and Remco came. Margret Mary is in hospital here and Marcel brought her in to see me.
I have a little radio which has headphones that are soft and it suits me very well.
Patrick showed a video from 1940 and onwards of family occasions which they made jolly laughter especially when I smoked a cigarette. We saw Scott play the sousaphone in a cadet band. The best was when Mom amused us kids with her famous puppet show
No more news on blood tests, platelets because it's a long weekend.
Pat and Pauline went to see hospice and were very impressed.
Closing with all my memories
Signed
Doris
Having a bit of trouble with food trays. They forgot breakfast and produced hearty chunks of roast beef for dinner when my mouth is too sore to have anything other than pureed but that is going to be looked after. Bothered with diarrhea which is trying.
My fairy godmother came. May came. Mady and Remco came. Margret Mary is in hospital here and Marcel brought her in to see me.
I have a little radio which has headphones that are soft and it suits me very well.
Patrick showed a video from 1940 and onwards of family occasions which they made jolly laughter especially when I smoked a cigarette. We saw Scott play the sousaphone in a cadet band. The best was when Mom amused us kids with her famous puppet show
No more news on blood tests, platelets because it's a long weekend.
Pat and Pauline went to see hospice and were very impressed.
Closing with all my memories
Signed
Doris
Saturday, May 17, 2014
hello
hello-no capitals because mark has brought me a notebook to the hospital.
i'm not too good but still in service.
good doctors and good nurses. pat and Pauline here to visit
I have a fairy godmother who had hidden her wings.
enough for now - will come back tomorrow signed grateful doris
i'm not too good but still in service.
good doctors and good nurses. pat and Pauline here to visit
I have a fairy godmother who had hidden her wings.
enough for now - will come back tomorrow signed grateful doris
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Dr.Noble
My two daughters drove me to new Westminster to see Dr.Noble.
We were told to take picnic lunch because wait time in his waiting room is extensive. Well, they were right there because we were there two hours.
He's very good to do business with - straight forward and to the point. And the point was that I have a few weeks to three months to live.
"Stay as long as you can in assisted living but if you get a fever or feel you just can't manage - go to hospital" he said, 'AND DON'T GO NEAR ANYONE WHO HAS HAD INFECTIONS" as I sat shaking and shivering because of the cold temperature in the hospital at a low measurement because of germs.
I have to take out my dentures because they were altered by the denturist and now irritate my gums. (I now look exactly like all other ninety year olds.) If I sound strange on the phone that's one reason why.
It's not possible to eat anything with nuts or is not semi-pureed - darn it.
I also have irritation around my vagina (I know you would want to hear about that!) Depends makes it worse.
In other words I'll need antibiotics.
Brenda's coming in a minute to take me hopefully for a transfusion.
I was dreadfully weak yesterday and thought I wouldn't make it to home but here I am with another day.
signed weak but still here Doris
We were told to take picnic lunch because wait time in his waiting room is extensive. Well, they were right there because we were there two hours.
He's very good to do business with - straight forward and to the point. And the point was that I have a few weeks to three months to live.
"Stay as long as you can in assisted living but if you get a fever or feel you just can't manage - go to hospital" he said, 'AND DON'T GO NEAR ANYONE WHO HAS HAD INFECTIONS" as I sat shaking and shivering because of the cold temperature in the hospital at a low measurement because of germs.
I have to take out my dentures because they were altered by the denturist and now irritate my gums. (I now look exactly like all other ninety year olds.) If I sound strange on the phone that's one reason why.
It's not possible to eat anything with nuts or is not semi-pureed - darn it.
I also have irritation around my vagina (I know you would want to hear about that!) Depends makes it worse.
In other words I'll need antibiotics.
Brenda's coming in a minute to take me hopefully for a transfusion.
I was dreadfully weak yesterday and thought I wouldn't make it to home but here I am with another day.
signed weak but still here Doris
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Mary
I have a Care-aid assigned to me - her name is Mary and she's the type I like - caring but efficient - seeing what can be done and doing it. She apparently knocked on my door this a.m. but I didn't answer so I said just check on me at 9 a.m. not before and I'll make my own breakfast for now.
I told her I was concerned about booking a spot for my toe-nails to be cut - so she cancelled that and I had already read Library books that other people might want to read, so she returned them downstairs. You've no idea the relief it brings to have these small things looked after.
A friend phoned and we had a long talk. She is ninety-six and has trouble as well. She would just as soon slip away, she doesn't know why she's lived so long. But I tell her she's here because she can make intelligent conversation with anyone and we sure have a need for that.
I cannot figure out how I'm sleeping so much. I read one chapter of new book and Whomp! I'm asleep. I figure I'll water the plants, fill the watering can, sit down and Whomp! I'm asleep again.
It was glorious outside so I sat on half of the lounge chair (trouble with the other half) and let the sun warm me right through. The birds were singing and the green leaves of the trees are the young colour of spring.
Tomorrow might tell me something and maybe not, will have to wait and see as it is what we do with so many things in life.
signed looked after Doris
I told her I was concerned about booking a spot for my toe-nails to be cut - so she cancelled that and I had already read Library books that other people might want to read, so she returned them downstairs. You've no idea the relief it brings to have these small things looked after.
A friend phoned and we had a long talk. She is ninety-six and has trouble as well. She would just as soon slip away, she doesn't know why she's lived so long. But I tell her she's here because she can make intelligent conversation with anyone and we sure have a need for that.
I cannot figure out how I'm sleeping so much. I read one chapter of new book and Whomp! I'm asleep. I figure I'll water the plants, fill the watering can, sit down and Whomp! I'm asleep again.
It was glorious outside so I sat on half of the lounge chair (trouble with the other half) and let the sun warm me right through. The birds were singing and the green leaves of the trees are the young colour of spring.
Tomorrow might tell me something and maybe not, will have to wait and see as it is what we do with so many things in life.
signed looked after Doris
Correction
Correction.
There was a comment on my blog which needs correction.
I am NOT in New Westminster's hospital. I only VISIT tomorrow a specialist who has an office in that hospital.
There was a comment on my blog which needs correction.
I am NOT in New Westminster's hospital. I only VISIT tomorrow a specialist who has an office in that hospital.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Update
I drove to the doctor's because Brenda is not well enough to do anything. I was supposed to get a taxi.
I signed forms which the doc. will fax to the hospital. The forms authorize the hospital to give me transfusions when necessary. I wish I could remember how many pints of blood Willy gave to the organization. It was enough to call him a hero - that I know.
The doc. wanted to explain about the Leukemia but it boils down to I've got the fast acting one. I shouldn't be driving so that's a decision I've made - I'll give up my car - not my driver's license though because Willy could not produce his for identification and we had a devil of a job getting him acknowledged that he existed !!!
Chartwell has a nurse in a small office here. No one knew what she did but she came to visit me today to explain that she does overall organizing care-aids connected to Chartwell and will see that I get into the Fraser Health system and talk about future accommodation in Pallative or Long term care facility. Instead of the kitchen staff delivering meals, it will be her care-aids and anything I want them to do I am to let her know so she can see that I'm looked after. GOOD!
I told her of my problem (I always start telling my stories when they ask about my life and we forget they are there to do something for me but they ask more questions and like today - she was here for three hours!)
Brenda said for me to eat what I liked and not worry too much about sugar count because I've been getting low blood sugar and it's better to be high than low (you lose brain cells). We had a good Lasagna tonight.
Laura phoned from Rainy River.
Am finishing reading the life of prince Phillip and learned that he has worked hard at doing the meet and greet things. He's interested in good design so is asked to design award tokens for organizations. When asked to design something for the Greyhound club he suggested a silver Lamp-post!
But he encourages good design in everything as well as the Tiddlywink association's award.
He sure received a lot of criticism and was accused of "Horning in on the Royals".
I'm making a list of what to be doing for cleaning up the non-essentials here but instead just read my book.
signed just mozing along - Doris
I signed forms which the doc. will fax to the hospital. The forms authorize the hospital to give me transfusions when necessary. I wish I could remember how many pints of blood Willy gave to the organization. It was enough to call him a hero - that I know.
The doc. wanted to explain about the Leukemia but it boils down to I've got the fast acting one. I shouldn't be driving so that's a decision I've made - I'll give up my car - not my driver's license though because Willy could not produce his for identification and we had a devil of a job getting him acknowledged that he existed !!!
Chartwell has a nurse in a small office here. No one knew what she did but she came to visit me today to explain that she does overall organizing care-aids connected to Chartwell and will see that I get into the Fraser Health system and talk about future accommodation in Pallative or Long term care facility. Instead of the kitchen staff delivering meals, it will be her care-aids and anything I want them to do I am to let her know so she can see that I'm looked after. GOOD!
I told her of my problem (I always start telling my stories when they ask about my life and we forget they are there to do something for me but they ask more questions and like today - she was here for three hours!)
Brenda said for me to eat what I liked and not worry too much about sugar count because I've been getting low blood sugar and it's better to be high than low (you lose brain cells). We had a good Lasagna tonight.
Laura phoned from Rainy River.
Am finishing reading the life of prince Phillip and learned that he has worked hard at doing the meet and greet things. He's interested in good design so is asked to design award tokens for organizations. When asked to design something for the Greyhound club he suggested a silver Lamp-post!
But he encourages good design in everything as well as the Tiddlywink association's award.
He sure received a lot of criticism and was accused of "Horning in on the Royals".
I'm making a list of what to be doing for cleaning up the non-essentials here but instead just read my book.
signed just mozing along - Doris
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Mother's day
Brenda phoned and won't be able to make it for dinner because of an infection in her mouth. I asked Barbara to come in her stead and then thought May would like to sit with us. Can't think of any other friends who are not visiting or are not the recipient of Mother's day celebrations. We slide along our paths whether there are humps or not.
I always dread Mother's day but feel better when I can wish my own daughters all the best.
I liked What's his name (can't remember but he wrote sunshine sketches of a little town) ah! it was Stephen Leacock who wrote about a picnic out on Mother's day. The Mother was asked to make all her special recipes so was cooking all morning. Extra relatives turned up and they only had so much transportation so it landed up there was no room for her so she stayed home. The party had a good time, arrived home exhausted and Mother had to clean up all the dishes etc.!
Never mind, at least it may bring families together or maybe not.
Saw on television a black Sports hero who was being honoured but gave such a genuine appreciation for his single mother who made him toe the line and have discipline to train for his talent and education at a very young age even as she struggled to make ends meet. I say Bravo for women such as this.
Joy's here - signed Mother of ten - Doris
I always dread Mother's day but feel better when I can wish my own daughters all the best.
I liked What's his name (can't remember but he wrote sunshine sketches of a little town) ah! it was Stephen Leacock who wrote about a picnic out on Mother's day. The Mother was asked to make all her special recipes so was cooking all morning. Extra relatives turned up and they only had so much transportation so it landed up there was no room for her so she stayed home. The party had a good time, arrived home exhausted and Mother had to clean up all the dishes etc.!
Never mind, at least it may bring families together or maybe not.
Saw on television a black Sports hero who was being honoured but gave such a genuine appreciation for his single mother who made him toe the line and have discipline to train for his talent and education at a very young age even as she struggled to make ends meet. I say Bravo for women such as this.
Joy's here - signed Mother of ten - Doris
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Another day
If I miss some days, don't worry - I don't always remember to write until it's late and I'm tired.
Flowers arrived from Laura, my English teacher in Ontario who has just won many awards and has done miracles with her students. The flowers are quite unusual - pale mauve roses and purple other flowers and the apartment is looking amazing with all the colours.
I have an extra space now because I've got off from Netflix ( I had all the equipment on a small table)which gave me so much trouble always asking for my password which got lost and I had to go through acrobats to get the thing going. So that's out of my life now.
My e-mail conked out (English terminology taken from the word 'conkers' Horse chestnuts which kids string up and knock the other kid's conker until one or the other breaks and is the winner.)
Computer man came and fixed it all and put the payment on my Visa for Shaw so that's all neat and tidy.
Ted phoned to say he has to fix the Printer at Simon Fraser University so hopes to come out for a visit. He's an artist with printers - think I said that. A rare bird in today's world because he's worked with all kinds of printers since he was fourteen years old and knows everything about them.
I made out some cards for the girls and their husbands for tomorrow at dinner and had one for Dario because I missed his birthday and an Italian glass has flags and spaghetti in it. I had a card for Rex too because he's been a caring son-in-law.
Meal trays were delivered okay and I made inroads as to making things more simple here when I leave. I can take this lap-top with me and hope I can have wireless wherever I go.
I slept on and off and look forward to tomorrow.
signed loving the caring people who have e-mailed and phoned - Doris
Flowers arrived from Laura, my English teacher in Ontario who has just won many awards and has done miracles with her students. The flowers are quite unusual - pale mauve roses and purple other flowers and the apartment is looking amazing with all the colours.
I have an extra space now because I've got off from Netflix ( I had all the equipment on a small table)which gave me so much trouble always asking for my password which got lost and I had to go through acrobats to get the thing going. So that's out of my life now.
My e-mail conked out (English terminology taken from the word 'conkers' Horse chestnuts which kids string up and knock the other kid's conker until one or the other breaks and is the winner.)
Computer man came and fixed it all and put the payment on my Visa for Shaw so that's all neat and tidy.
Ted phoned to say he has to fix the Printer at Simon Fraser University so hopes to come out for a visit. He's an artist with printers - think I said that. A rare bird in today's world because he's worked with all kinds of printers since he was fourteen years old and knows everything about them.
I made out some cards for the girls and their husbands for tomorrow at dinner and had one for Dario because I missed his birthday and an Italian glass has flags and spaghetti in it. I had a card for Rex too because he's been a caring son-in-law.
Meal trays were delivered okay and I made inroads as to making things more simple here when I leave. I can take this lap-top with me and hope I can have wireless wherever I go.
I slept on and off and look forward to tomorrow.
signed loving the caring people who have e-mailed and phoned - Doris
Friday, May 9, 2014
A day of doing things
My daughter came in the morning, ready for anything and bringing from Dario lovely salmon with rhubarb sauce for my dinner.
Hallelujah ! We now have more channels by Shaw on television which helps my evening entertainment a lot. It takes so much time to get re-registered or set up a new account. I complain about the younger generation sometimes but they have EXTRAORDINARY patience waiting "on hold" and pressing this or that number. But that is what went on until she got everything in order whereas I would have given up.
We went to Prospera Credit union to get accounts cleared or fixed in other categories and Linda arrived to spend a lot of time and attention with us to explain about bank mysteries on the occasion of death. Once again I'm grateful to live in Mission where people like her exist and technology takes a back seat so there is a somewhat human face on money matters.
Then on to see the bank to find out if the freezing of accounts is unfrozen. Some of it is and so all looks encouraging now. We need patience with that as well.
The extensions in my waistbands are still not enough to ease the pain in the kidneys so we called in the dress shop and I got two dresses that flare out around the middle. As I will not be going to the dining room other than Mother's day, I can wear them in the apartment and feel free and easy. (They look kind of cute!!)
Had lovely flowers from Paul and Patrick and phone calls which are like precious gems to me.
Today I was supposed to read from my book to the residents but Laura took it on so they will not be disappointed. She wrote me such beautiful words on her card making me feel as if I have mattered.
signed She who mattered - Doris
Hallelujah ! We now have more channels by Shaw on television which helps my evening entertainment a lot. It takes so much time to get re-registered or set up a new account. I complain about the younger generation sometimes but they have EXTRAORDINARY patience waiting "on hold" and pressing this or that number. But that is what went on until she got everything in order whereas I would have given up.
We went to Prospera Credit union to get accounts cleared or fixed in other categories and Linda arrived to spend a lot of time and attention with us to explain about bank mysteries on the occasion of death. Once again I'm grateful to live in Mission where people like her exist and technology takes a back seat so there is a somewhat human face on money matters.
Then on to see the bank to find out if the freezing of accounts is unfrozen. Some of it is and so all looks encouraging now. We need patience with that as well.
The extensions in my waistbands are still not enough to ease the pain in the kidneys so we called in the dress shop and I got two dresses that flare out around the middle. As I will not be going to the dining room other than Mother's day, I can wear them in the apartment and feel free and easy. (They look kind of cute!!)
Had lovely flowers from Paul and Patrick and phone calls which are like precious gems to me.
Today I was supposed to read from my book to the residents but Laura took it on so they will not be disappointed. She wrote me such beautiful words on her card making me feel as if I have mattered.
signed She who mattered - Doris
More acceptance
This was the day we were supposed to go to the Credit union to work out several financial affairs. However, at 9:30 a.m. I had a phone call from my doctor. He had received the report of the blood test I had yesterday.
"I'm sorry to say the results were not good" he said, "as a matter of fact they are disastrous. From the time of your last test a few weeks ago, your red and white blood cells have gone down very quickly and your organs are in trouble. I have to tell you, you have Leukemia".
I waited for him to say what I was supposed to do while digesting the fact that I was in such poor shape.
"I'll get you to go to a specialist in new Westminster but after talking with him he is of the opinion there is nothing we can do. You are in a very serious condition. I'll see you Monday morning and we'll see about blood transfusions and every week you will have to be monitored."
Brenda, bless her, came over and tried to work out what the next step will be. She ordered my meals to be delivered by tray to my room. She tried to make out what I wanted as regards some help in the home, she tried to get the health people to come and a host of other things. But the main thing was it was consoling to have her here because underlying all our busyness, we were trying to accept that I am now facing the end of my life in the near future.
I cancelled the Credit Union meeting, the reading I was to do tomorrow, (Laura will read instead) and the Denturist appointment.
I phoned Barbara M. to say the show will still be put on by Mady.
I phoned Mady to say - all instructions are listed what to do for the show and she said "don't worry - it will be done."
I phoned Barbara - my second power of attorney and told her the news and so on till I had to rest.
I called Kim who is a friend but used to clean for me and the darling lady said she'd fit me in to come once a week or any time I needed her and to phone her any time and she will come. After the specialist meeting on Wednesday, I'll let her know.
And dear ones who read my blog, I don't know if I will blog every day from now on. I've got lots of ends to be seen to and so much thinking to do, Willy's business isn't finished yet.
I have enough finances to pay for help or for taxies. (have to think of giving up the car.)
So I'm lucky that way.
I'm not in pain, just devoid of energy. Thank you for following me and the show will go on with or without me. Please write it in your calendar June 28th from 1 - I'm grateful, so grateful for the life I have had, especially for my friends and family.
I am full of love - signed Doris
"I'm sorry to say the results were not good" he said, "as a matter of fact they are disastrous. From the time of your last test a few weeks ago, your red and white blood cells have gone down very quickly and your organs are in trouble. I have to tell you, you have Leukemia".
I waited for him to say what I was supposed to do while digesting the fact that I was in such poor shape.
"I'll get you to go to a specialist in new Westminster but after talking with him he is of the opinion there is nothing we can do. You are in a very serious condition. I'll see you Monday morning and we'll see about blood transfusions and every week you will have to be monitored."
Brenda, bless her, came over and tried to work out what the next step will be. She ordered my meals to be delivered by tray to my room. She tried to make out what I wanted as regards some help in the home, she tried to get the health people to come and a host of other things. But the main thing was it was consoling to have her here because underlying all our busyness, we were trying to accept that I am now facing the end of my life in the near future.
I cancelled the Credit Union meeting, the reading I was to do tomorrow, (Laura will read instead) and the Denturist appointment.
I phoned Barbara M. to say the show will still be put on by Mady.
I phoned Mady to say - all instructions are listed what to do for the show and she said "don't worry - it will be done."
I phoned Barbara - my second power of attorney and told her the news and so on till I had to rest.
I called Kim who is a friend but used to clean for me and the darling lady said she'd fit me in to come once a week or any time I needed her and to phone her any time and she will come. After the specialist meeting on Wednesday, I'll let her know.
And dear ones who read my blog, I don't know if I will blog every day from now on. I've got lots of ends to be seen to and so much thinking to do, Willy's business isn't finished yet.
I have enough finances to pay for help or for taxies. (have to think of giving up the car.)
So I'm lucky that way.
I'm not in pain, just devoid of energy. Thank you for following me and the show will go on with or without me. Please write it in your calendar June 28th from 1 - I'm grateful, so grateful for the life I have had, especially for my friends and family.
I am full of love - signed Doris
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Life
Barbara M. is home from her trip to Europe. She makes these tours and visits abroad as if she's just going up the street to the Loonie store. She comes from Hungary but is familiar with Holland and Germany. She's the one who is sharing the show with me in June/July and showing her sculpture.
I kept my appointment with the family doctor and he couldn't believe the results that the specialist had. Reason being was that my cells etc. were doing fine until something happened the end of March to send them plummeting. He said I have to learn to monitor my health in a better way. I'm of the old school who didn't go to the doctor unless we were near death!
I went over to the Lab to have another test and we'll see how that goes but if not any better I should have a bone marrow test in Burnaby.
I'm weary of talking about sickness but acknowledge I must do more to help my condition like drinking more water and eating things I don't like but which are good for me.
My son phoned and offered to come again but I said "No thank you."
Booked dinner here for Mother's Day dinner for the girls and their husbands. Yes, it`s that day again where I try to hide my embarrassment at being celebrated as a mother!!
Tomorrow is booked for appointment with representative at the credit union with B and B (Brenda and Barbara) to make sure we`re doing all we can do to clear up Willy`s estate.
Those roses are so beautiful, How can a flower be so subtle yet blaze with spirit.
( my question mark won't work on computer)
signed can`t ask any more questions now - Doris
I kept my appointment with the family doctor and he couldn't believe the results that the specialist had. Reason being was that my cells etc. were doing fine until something happened the end of March to send them plummeting. He said I have to learn to monitor my health in a better way. I'm of the old school who didn't go to the doctor unless we were near death!
I went over to the Lab to have another test and we'll see how that goes but if not any better I should have a bone marrow test in Burnaby.
I'm weary of talking about sickness but acknowledge I must do more to help my condition like drinking more water and eating things I don't like but which are good for me.
My son phoned and offered to come again but I said "No thank you."
Booked dinner here for Mother's Day dinner for the girls and their husbands. Yes, it`s that day again where I try to hide my embarrassment at being celebrated as a mother!!
Tomorrow is booked for appointment with representative at the credit union with B and B (Brenda and Barbara) to make sure we`re doing all we can do to clear up Willy`s estate.
Those roses are so beautiful, How can a flower be so subtle yet blaze with spirit.
( my question mark won't work on computer)
signed can`t ask any more questions now - Doris
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Government forms
Brenda came to take me to fill out the required Government forms after Willy's death.
We don't have an original will so they may not go through - however, we'll deal with it later.
The staff were very kind and each one prefaced the talk with "We are sorry about that." meaning the death.
We went for lunch at a Thai restaurant and had a yummy rice/ginger soup. It was in a mall which is like going to another country because the awnings and other writing is East Indian. There was a Vegetarian bakery which we found out all cakes and cookies were made without eggs!!!
The owner then gave us a lecture about how he shouldn't be baking things that have a lot of sugar and he was helping the country go to pot because he now knew how many people were eating too much sugar and he was just encouraging it all and what was he going to do if he didn't bake vegetarian goodies.....
I bought six carrot muffins and yes - they were swimming in sugar. So that was that.
We looked for a lounge chair for my balcony but they don't make the web style anymore and none of the others appeal to me.
signed - signing Doris
Everything in Sears was on for 25% off.
It was nice to spend the time with Brenda but I can feel my shopping days won't be as energetic as they were.
We don't have an original will so they may not go through - however, we'll deal with it later.
The staff were very kind and each one prefaced the talk with "We are sorry about that." meaning the death.
We went for lunch at a Thai restaurant and had a yummy rice/ginger soup. It was in a mall which is like going to another country because the awnings and other writing is East Indian. There was a Vegetarian bakery which we found out all cakes and cookies were made without eggs!!!
The owner then gave us a lecture about how he shouldn't be baking things that have a lot of sugar and he was helping the country go to pot because he now knew how many people were eating too much sugar and he was just encouraging it all and what was he going to do if he didn't bake vegetarian goodies.....
I bought six carrot muffins and yes - they were swimming in sugar. So that was that.
We looked for a lounge chair for my balcony but they don't make the web style anymore and none of the others appeal to me.
signed - signing Doris
Everything in Sears was on for 25% off.
It was nice to spend the time with Brenda but I can feel my shopping days won't be as energetic as they were.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Ultrasound
After Marianne left last night I put more water in the vase where she had arranged such beautiful long stemmed, subtle white roses and posted up notes not to forget to fast. So easy to do when you're used to a regular routine on getting up in the morning. I am insulin dependent and a diabetic.
I woke up at 2 a.m. and took my blood sugar test - it was seven - so for the time being I was safe.
I woke up at three a.m. to pee.
I woke up at four a.m. took a reading again - it was five. Danger line for me. Can I last till nine-fifteen without eating something? No. I got up and had sips of mango juice hoping it was enough.
Spent the rest of the night fretting would it be enough.
Seven-thirty the alarm went and I took the test once again - it was six. Which meant maybe I'll be okay maybe I won't by 9:15 the appointment time.
Washed and dressed, packed some juice and chocolate with a book into a bag, collected my coat and purse with the requisition for ultrasound and drove to he hospital.
No available parking anywhere around but I remembered I had my card. 2 stalls right in front of the hospital door listed only for emergency. Well this is an emergency for me so I parked there and stuck up my card (first time).
Undressed and put on a gown. As it was for my stomach, thought leave my lower half bare - was told no - the top half of me bare, all of me naked so changed it around.
I had an ultrasound before but they had to stop because it was painful. This time every time she pushed at a certain spot, I jumped and cried out. She was annoyed and said "I can't do anything when you do that so stop it." At that point I was ready to leave the room. It was hurting so much I started to cry and she was angry. "Your doctor should have used another test if you are like this" she said.
What is it with doctors and staff like this? Do they think you are imagining your pain? I remember being examined for pregnancy. The doctor puts his fingers up your insides as far as he can while he's pushing down on your stomach with his other hand and saying, "Now relax, this won't hurt."
When she said she was done, I got up from the table and started to shake and cry. She walked with me to the dressing place and I did manage to dress but was shaken up for sure.
The waiting room was blocked with people waiting for lab tests and x-rays - it looked as if there had been a terrorist attack or something.
I walked past the room and there was the gift store. The volunteer on duty pulled out a chair so I could sit down - thank you Sally - and I sure needed it and the small amount of coffee I pinched from a cart which was marked "Only for staff".
I ate the chocolate and talked till I regained my composure to drive home.
signed - And that was my last ultrasound. - Doris
I woke up at 2 a.m. and took my blood sugar test - it was seven - so for the time being I was safe.
I woke up at three a.m. to pee.
I woke up at four a.m. took a reading again - it was five. Danger line for me. Can I last till nine-fifteen without eating something? No. I got up and had sips of mango juice hoping it was enough.
Spent the rest of the night fretting would it be enough.
Seven-thirty the alarm went and I took the test once again - it was six. Which meant maybe I'll be okay maybe I won't by 9:15 the appointment time.
Washed and dressed, packed some juice and chocolate with a book into a bag, collected my coat and purse with the requisition for ultrasound and drove to he hospital.
No available parking anywhere around but I remembered I had my card. 2 stalls right in front of the hospital door listed only for emergency. Well this is an emergency for me so I parked there and stuck up my card (first time).
Undressed and put on a gown. As it was for my stomach, thought leave my lower half bare - was told no - the top half of me bare, all of me naked so changed it around.
I had an ultrasound before but they had to stop because it was painful. This time every time she pushed at a certain spot, I jumped and cried out. She was annoyed and said "I can't do anything when you do that so stop it." At that point I was ready to leave the room. It was hurting so much I started to cry and she was angry. "Your doctor should have used another test if you are like this" she said.
What is it with doctors and staff like this? Do they think you are imagining your pain? I remember being examined for pregnancy. The doctor puts his fingers up your insides as far as he can while he's pushing down on your stomach with his other hand and saying, "Now relax, this won't hurt."
When she said she was done, I got up from the table and started to shake and cry. She walked with me to the dressing place and I did manage to dress but was shaken up for sure.
The waiting room was blocked with people waiting for lab tests and x-rays - it looked as if there had been a terrorist attack or something.
I walked past the room and there was the gift store. The volunteer on duty pulled out a chair so I could sit down - thank you Sally - and I sure needed it and the small amount of coffee I pinched from a cart which was marked "Only for staff".
I ate the chocolate and talked till I regained my composure to drive home.
signed - And that was my last ultrasound. - Doris
Sunday, May 4, 2014
accepting
It's three-thirty and I have some extra time to write the blog - so I will.
I have accepted I need to use a walker and today I also accepted the fact my tummy has ballooned, tagging along with what was my waist. I cannot possibly buy a larger size in pants because the rest of me is as skinny as a twig. Do you remember Twiggy - the thin, thin young model who set the scale for young girls in the whole world?
This afternoon I decided to tackle the question and insert an extra piece of material in the elastic waistband of some pants. I don't have a sewing machine but know how to do backstitch which imitates sewing machine stitching.
Luckily I have kept pieces which I cut off from the bottom of Petite sized pants, so that should help.
I will hereby inform you I have let out the darts from two pair of newly bought pants and inserted these pieces and after trying them on, MY KIDNEY AREA IS NO LONGER IN PAIN.
I hadn't realized that with my stomach getting larger, the waistband was exerting a strain as to affect my back area.
I don't expect this to solve everything but at least it eases the situation without going to the doctor's.
Marianne is coming for dinner here. We go back a long way - to the time Willy bought the house on Rose Avenue and Marianne and Bert lived opposite.
Marianne comes from Austria and among other things, ran a resort so she's "been around the block" for sure. She actually lived in Vienna in the same place as an opera Diva. Smack in the middle of all that history and culture.
She found out that I painted and asked to see my work. It was the time I was doing unconscious paintings and I had just been involved with Taste of the Arts where one artist featured was a Chinese lady from Vancouver who played the PiPa.
The painting I was working on at the time showed an image of a Chinese person but I didn't know how to finish it. After the Taste of the Arts evening I added suggestions of the PiPa and it worked. Marianne bought it and it was the beginning of her support for me and our friendship which has gone through hard times and joyful ones for twenty-four years.
signed - sewed up Doris
I have accepted I need to use a walker and today I also accepted the fact my tummy has ballooned, tagging along with what was my waist. I cannot possibly buy a larger size in pants because the rest of me is as skinny as a twig. Do you remember Twiggy - the thin, thin young model who set the scale for young girls in the whole world?
This afternoon I decided to tackle the question and insert an extra piece of material in the elastic waistband of some pants. I don't have a sewing machine but know how to do backstitch which imitates sewing machine stitching.
Luckily I have kept pieces which I cut off from the bottom of Petite sized pants, so that should help.
I will hereby inform you I have let out the darts from two pair of newly bought pants and inserted these pieces and after trying them on, MY KIDNEY AREA IS NO LONGER IN PAIN.
I hadn't realized that with my stomach getting larger, the waistband was exerting a strain as to affect my back area.
I don't expect this to solve everything but at least it eases the situation without going to the doctor's.
Marianne is coming for dinner here. We go back a long way - to the time Willy bought the house on Rose Avenue and Marianne and Bert lived opposite.
Marianne comes from Austria and among other things, ran a resort so she's "been around the block" for sure. She actually lived in Vienna in the same place as an opera Diva. Smack in the middle of all that history and culture.
She found out that I painted and asked to see my work. It was the time I was doing unconscious paintings and I had just been involved with Taste of the Arts where one artist featured was a Chinese lady from Vancouver who played the PiPa.
The painting I was working on at the time showed an image of a Chinese person but I didn't know how to finish it. After the Taste of the Arts evening I added suggestions of the PiPa and it worked. Marianne bought it and it was the beginning of her support for me and our friendship which has gone through hard times and joyful ones for twenty-four years.
signed - sewed up Doris
Saturday, May 3, 2014
The Walkeries
Today was another "notch in my rifle".
That phrase was invented by someone who made notches in their rifles when they killed someone but it also applies to the way some days stand out above others to remember forever.
And today I had to use Willy's walker to walk to the dining room because I felt unable to make the trip and I joined the group I call the Walkeries.
It reminds me of the same phrase used by a boy-friend I had "let go" when I was twenty-one. I met him again at the same dance I went to with my new companion who later became my first husband.
"Is he another notch in your rifle?" he asked as he came close to us, the electricity prickling and zig-zagging between the three of us.
I couldn't say anything because it was a moment of choices which could change my life. I had loved him with his cleverness and knowledge of books and music and he was above any man I had met because of the way he could pass that knowledge onto me. And his dancing took me to a fantasy land.
I knew he would ask me to dance later and I knew I wouldn't be able to refuse and I'd be caught up again with his bitterness about the war and his life in it. He hurt others and even me with his sword-like words.
As soon as I could, I took Ted out to the gardens and we stayed a long while, holding each other and kissing each other and all the time I was thinking and longing for the man I really wanted to be with
How different life would have been if I had chosen otherwise. I wouldn't have become a Canadian and I wouldn't have had my children.
signed not sorry for the choice I made Doris
That phrase was invented by someone who made notches in their rifles when they killed someone but it also applies to the way some days stand out above others to remember forever.
And today I had to use Willy's walker to walk to the dining room because I felt unable to make the trip and I joined the group I call the Walkeries.
It reminds me of the same phrase used by a boy-friend I had "let go" when I was twenty-one. I met him again at the same dance I went to with my new companion who later became my first husband.
"Is he another notch in your rifle?" he asked as he came close to us, the electricity prickling and zig-zagging between the three of us.
I couldn't say anything because it was a moment of choices which could change my life. I had loved him with his cleverness and knowledge of books and music and he was above any man I had met because of the way he could pass that knowledge onto me. And his dancing took me to a fantasy land.
I knew he would ask me to dance later and I knew I wouldn't be able to refuse and I'd be caught up again with his bitterness about the war and his life in it. He hurt others and even me with his sword-like words.
As soon as I could, I took Ted out to the gardens and we stayed a long while, holding each other and kissing each other and all the time I was thinking and longing for the man I really wanted to be with
How different life would have been if I had chosen otherwise. I wouldn't have become a Canadian and I wouldn't have had my children.
signed not sorry for the choice I made Doris
New shop in town
Well the big day has come and Mady opened her new Wool shop downtown Mission on Main.
What an asset to the sleepy street it had become.
Today the time came when I ran out of energy to make the whole walk back from lunch. I just couldn't go any further than half way and had to rest.
I'll take my cane tomorrow and if that doesn't work I'll have to resort to Willy's walker.
It's something we all want to avoid but if it has to be then it has to be.
When Brenda picked me up to go to dinner, she questioned what was the matter but I really don't know. I'll try to drink more water but had to agree that I should check in with my doctor and test that crazy potassium level - it's always too high for me whereas others have trouble with it being low.
I questioned the chef if they'd have something for Brenda because she doesn't even eat fish. He promised and delivered one of the best meals she had ever had. Pasta with roasted artichokes, asparagus, sun-dried tomatoes, pesto etc. Mine was excellent chicken too.
Dinner in the evening at Blackberry kitchen is the place to go if you want good dining in Mission.
Then onto the opening and the wools were settled into colour coordinated holders and all looked beautiful - sophisticated, clean and all any weaver or knitter could desire. Everyone enjoyed being there.
It's late but had to say how much I enjoyed the evening.
signed pleasured Doris
What an asset to the sleepy street it had become.
Today the time came when I ran out of energy to make the whole walk back from lunch. I just couldn't go any further than half way and had to rest.
I'll take my cane tomorrow and if that doesn't work I'll have to resort to Willy's walker.
It's something we all want to avoid but if it has to be then it has to be.
When Brenda picked me up to go to dinner, she questioned what was the matter but I really don't know. I'll try to drink more water but had to agree that I should check in with my doctor and test that crazy potassium level - it's always too high for me whereas others have trouble with it being low.
I questioned the chef if they'd have something for Brenda because she doesn't even eat fish. He promised and delivered one of the best meals she had ever had. Pasta with roasted artichokes, asparagus, sun-dried tomatoes, pesto etc. Mine was excellent chicken too.
Dinner in the evening at Blackberry kitchen is the place to go if you want good dining in Mission.
Then onto the opening and the wools were settled into colour coordinated holders and all looked beautiful - sophisticated, clean and all any weaver or knitter could desire. Everyone enjoyed being there.
It's late but had to say how much I enjoyed the evening.
signed pleasured Doris
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Continue from previous
next to the patio doors and close to the lamp which has the tiny chandelier hanging down. Anything I put in that place blooms well.
Most important, Nancy brought me lots of cards from my friends at the centre letting me know that they were sorry that Willy has died.
As I said, I love to get cards and it brings my friends close to me even though I've held back on socializing lately.
I took out my left hearing aid at lunchtime because it exaggerates the sound of the kitchen staff radio. It certainly doesn't play my kind of music and with the general talking, sounds chaotic. Naturally, the hearing aid fell out of my pocket and happily it was found all right.
With everything else going wrong, I must say that my hearing seems to have improved and I can hear well without the aids now.
It was super warm today - lovely!
Last night I didn't take the arthritis Tynenol to see if I can stop dreaming so vividly but it was even worse. I'm always in a strange motel and my sister Peggy is with me until she disappears and I don't know where I am. It's a long time before I find I'm still in my Carrington bedroom and Peggy died
thirteen years ago so how come she's always coming back in my dreams?
I woke to find my legs burning with pain. Thinking how to describe it I remembered in Hong Kong we would get what they called "Prickly Heat" and there would be redness and it would feel like thousands of pins were pricking you.
signed Prickly Doris
I'm down on Carrington calendar to read from my books on the 9th and 23rd May.
Most important, Nancy brought me lots of cards from my friends at the centre letting me know that they were sorry that Willy has died.
As I said, I love to get cards and it brings my friends close to me even though I've held back on socializing lately.
I took out my left hearing aid at lunchtime because it exaggerates the sound of the kitchen staff radio. It certainly doesn't play my kind of music and with the general talking, sounds chaotic. Naturally, the hearing aid fell out of my pocket and happily it was found all right.
With everything else going wrong, I must say that my hearing seems to have improved and I can hear well without the aids now.
It was super warm today - lovely!
Last night I didn't take the arthritis Tynenol to see if I can stop dreaming so vividly but it was even worse. I'm always in a strange motel and my sister Peggy is with me until she disappears and I don't know where I am. It's a long time before I find I'm still in my Carrington bedroom and Peggy died
thirteen years ago so how come she's always coming back in my dreams?
I woke to find my legs burning with pain. Thinking how to describe it I remembered in Hong Kong we would get what they called "Prickly Heat" and there would be redness and it would feel like thousands of pins were pricking you.
signed Prickly Doris
I'm down on Carrington calendar to read from my books on the 9th and 23rd May.
Arts Council
Nancy, the executive director of the Art Centre, came to visit carrying a large lavender bush in a pot and the smell is beautiful. Can't put it on the balcony yet because the power washers haven't appeared yet.
She brought a small pot of roses which I'll keep
She brought a small pot of roses which I'll keep
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